There's a recession on - Spend More!

Don't worry, I haven't lost the plot just yet, although many of you would argue that that happened a long time ago. In the last week I have found myself inspired; not only by the merchandise that I have been seeing, but by how this credit crunch (why is it called a crunch, it feels more like a stomp. I mean some crunchy things are actually quite pleasant - Cadbury's Crunchie, Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.....mmmmmmm....Cornflakes...you know I really need to start eating breakfast before I leave the house, sorry, where was I?) how this credit crunch affords us all the opportunity to really focus on our marketing.

The most important thing to realise here is that it's not about the product itself - it's how you use it that counts. As much as I hate pens, sometimes they can be the perfect marketing tool. Put them in a big bowl at a trade show and they do nothing, but give a nicer pen as a gift to a buyer whose about to sign your contract, and they're gold.

So what is the point in spending more? Well there's a little more to it than that. What I'm talking about is spending more per item, but in total you may actually spend less. I've spoken often about untargetted marketing - giving out trinkets because it seems like the right thing to do. STOP RIGHT THERE - STEP AWAY FROM THE CATALOGUE AND COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD.

If your competitors are all looking in the same catalogues, coming up with the same "ideas" and cutting their budgets to the same level, do you really think your 30 pence pen is going to bring in that new client. Really? DO YOU?

How much more powerful would it be to thank someone for the time they took to meet you by giving them a really special gift? Let them leave with a warm fuzzy feeling that a mere logobug cannot provide. Will they definitely do business with you? Possibly. Will they remember you and speak about you to colleagues and associates? Absolutely. "Hey Jim, like your new desk clock, where'd you get it?......" and away we go.

There are statistics and formulae (oh yes, I can use proper plurals when I have to, I don't have to dumb this down for you people do I? OK, some of you maybe..) that I could share with you that can show you how to not only save money but also improve upon measurable results. Of course I am not going to do it here. If you want to learn how it all works, you're going to need to arrange a meeting.

The idea of speculating to accumulate is not new, and in times of economic downturn, we just let that idea go. Now the title of this blog invites you to spend more. I'm actually going to help you to make more too, so you really only have one question to ask of yourselves -

How much are you willing to pay for a queue of new customers? Now double it - we've got some planning to do.

I already own an iPod

I was stuck for a topic for this week's blog and so I asked my colleague Meena for some inspiration. She told me that I should write about how nice she is. Meena is nice, but frankly I'm not sure how such information would be that useful to you, but at least she feels pretty good about herself right now. (I'd also like to place a side bet that certain other people in my team are now nagging me about their own mentions too, but we'll save those for another week).

This week I want to talk about staff incentives - those little gifts you give to your team to thank them for a job well done and to spur them on to even greater things in exchange for even greater gifts.

Typically, these work amongst sales people, mostly because their efforts are easy to quantify but mainly because we're all a bunch of mercenary gits who would happily put our own grandmothers on eBay given half the chance.

I met with a client this week who was looking to give high end gadgets to people once they crossed certain sales thresholds. They spoke of DVD players, iPods and so on. My immediate response was that anyone capable of selling at the level they were talking about probably already owns an iPod, several DVD players, a wide screen TV, a toaster, a cuddly toy.............

A truly effective incentive needs to be something that they would not go out and get for themselves. It wants to be something that they are excited about having, not least because it will make their colleagues so jealous that they will work just as hard in order to get one for themselves. You see the truth behind an incentive is that it is not really saying "thanks" for a job well done. It's really saying "please" do a really good job for your company.

So are your incentives really working for you, or are you just getting rid of the stuff that was left over from last Christmas? Naturally we can help, so let's get together and talk about how you incentivise your staff. Remember, it's not just about finding the right gift - it's about presenting it in the right way.

Once again, I'd like to thank Meena for being nice.

I want to hate Facebook, but it's getting so hard.

Several years ago, a friend of mine told me that there was a great way for her to let a whole group of friends know about a particular event or gathering. It was a new site called Facebook, and according to her, lots of people were starting to use it.

Being the open minded, cheery, light hearted chap that I am (Oh come on, I only rant in these blogs to release my inner demons. Can you imagine having to deal with someone that negative on a daily basis? You’d have to punch them in the face just to get through the day, and that’s no way to live) I joined Facebook.

Shortly after this, I never bothered looking at it again. The End. OK, not quite, there is a little more to it. You see, I’m a strong believer in networking. I network at trade shows, at parties, even at the occasional networking group. This type of networking however, is a far cry from what passes for this new buzz term of the decade – Social Networking.

Can you imagine being at a party where everyone introduced themselves the same way they do on Facebook? “Hi, I’m Paul and I’m introducing myself to a stranger right now. Would you like to be my friend? That way, I can let you know every time I feel like eating a bloody sandwich!”

That’s not networking. It’s drivel. More recently though, I’ve actually found a use for Facebook. As you know, I’m running in the Marathon. Of course you know that – I only mention it every chance I get. Facebook was a great way for me to let a whole group of people know how they could go about sponsoring me, and I am pleased to say that it actually worked.

Now don’t get me wrong, this has not made me completely change my view on the thousands of people who feel the need to take time out of their day to log on to a website in order to change their status to "Dave is hungry and wants to eat McDonalds". Here’s a clue Dave – go to McDonalds then. Facebook may have a lot less calories than a Big Mac, but then there's no gherkin. I love gherkins, but we'll talk about that some other time.

Networking, in all its forms, does have true value, but only if it’s done properly. Now when you next find yourself in a networking opportunity (that’s any and all conversations you ever have by the way), what information will you leave behind which could lead to more business for you and your company?

A snazzy business card won’t do it. You need a hook – a reason for that person to not only take your call, but to remember you to the people that he is networking with too.

I’m here to help you, and the answers are not going to be found in this blog. I need to meet you. Together, we can work out exactly what your hook is and truly maximise its potential. Call me today and we’ll set up what I hope can be a life changing meeting for both of us.

What do I charge for this guru like consultation?

Nothing at all – it’s free.

That’s my hook.

Remember me?

Happy New Year - How Original!

Do you know, it's been such a crazy week here that I spent all of yesterday thinking it was only Monday. The good news for me is that today has come as a very pleasant surprise. The bad news is that I totally forgot to post the first blog of 2009. I know - I'm as upset about it as you are but don't worry, I promise we have some fun things to talk about this year.

Let me start by wishing you a Happy New Year. It seems like the right thing to do. What was the general sentiment at your New Year's party? For most people, they were delighted to be getting out of 2008; it was a crappy year and they want nothing more to do with it.

Now the psychology of that is interesting isn't it? I've come back into work with new enquiries to handle, new clients, new quotes and new orders. I'm thrilled, but I cannot help but notice that noone has announced that the recession is over. In fact, if you can stand to watch the news for more than 5 minutes without wanting to kill yourself, things are set to get even worse.

So what is it that is so magical about January the 1st? There's nothing mystical to it - the whole calendar is just started at some random point in history. No. What people are excited about is renewal - the excuse to make some sort of resolution and see just how long they can go before it all fades away, only to resurface some time around December.

People resolve to lose weight, to give up smoking, to be more courteous, to work harder, whatever it might be. My question is this - why do you need a change in the date to make a change in your life?

So what are you resolved to in the world of your business? For me, it's to have fewer clients to which I can provide even greater service. Sure, it's all a bit Jerry McGuire but I love that philosophy. I want to make my job about being creative and partnering with my clients. I simply cannot do that if I'm chasing my tail cold calling for new business.

And so it is that I have formed my own special club. My goal is for this club to have no more than 50 members, and in order to join, all you need to do is have a certain committed spend on merchandising between now and December the 31st. I'm not going to tell you that figure, because I don't want to put anybody off, but suffice is to say that it is not a ridiculous amount of money for any company that's truly serious about marketing themselves in 2009.

Membership will certainly have its privelages. The best one being that you won't have anyone here trying to "sell" you anything. We'll be concerned with helping you make the most of your company's exposure.

Want in?

STOP BEING SO F*&!*NG POLITE!

I’m a salesman. It’s what I do. When I’m not writing blogs or coming up with new ideas for my clients, I am on the telephone, trying my best to introduce Merchandise Mania to as many new clients as I can.

Now don’t get me wrong, if I had so many briefs to fill that I didn’t get a moment to myself, then new business development would be the first thing I would drop. As much as I love cold calling – and strangely enough, I really do, our first priority here is to give a top flight service to our customers, and that is never going to change.

Sadly for me, I don’t have an endless stream of briefs on which to work. In the current economic climate I’m getting more and more excited about selling pens. ME! And you know how I feel about pens. If you don’t please refer to some of the earlier blogs here or buy a copy of my latest book “Pens – What’s The Big Fricking Deal?” available from all imaginary bookshops.

And so it is that I return the world of cold calling. Now as I have said, I actually enjoy it. There’s a certain joy to striking up a rapport with a complete stranger over the telephone, using nothing but your wits to guide them round to your way of thinking. Naturally, it’s fun when it works out that way, and the potential for the next call to be just the one you want slightly takes the edge off of the 20 previous people who told you that they were not interested.

But then you get the polite ones. Oh no, I’m not talking about the ones who say “thank you” right after they’ve told you to go away. No. There’s a breed of people much, MUCH worse than that. A group so malevolent that there are still some nights that I wake up screaming. Vietnam was nothing compared to having to deal with this lot – they are pure, crystallised evil, and they may well be working right next to you. (Hey, wouldn’t it have been cool if some spooky music had come on just as you’d started reading that bit? I mean, it would be extra spooky because how would it know when to start? I don’t know how fast a reader you are do I? Still, it would have been cool.)

How can you spot them? It’s easy. Their response to a cold call goes something like this – “Well we don’t buy any merchandise but if you’d like to send me a catalogue we’ll keep it on file.” AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! That’s worse than dropping the G in “morning” (see the blog from 3 weeks ago).

These people mean well – they do, but they are MORONS! It costs me money to print my catalogue. It costs me money to store my catalogue and it costs me money to send my catalogue out. You have just told me that you DON’T buy merchandise which begs the almost obvious question that everyone reading this must now be shouting at their screen…..”WHAT THE ?%*&!**? DO YOU NEED WITH A CATALOGUE?????”

And what about keeping it on file? Do these people do that at home? Have they stored every piece of junk mail that they have ever been sent? Is their loft piled high with DIY catalogues and Donkey Sanctuary newsletters? Of course not. If you don’t need it, then just don’t ask for it.

The problem is that they’re just being polite. Asking for literature is the easiest and nicest way to get a sales person off of the phone without causing upset. At least that’s what they think. Now the inexperienced salesman will rub his hands together and proclaim that he’s just made a good sales call – they’ve asked for literature – he may as well put the deposit down on his new speedboat now.

The smarter, more experienced, or frankly just plain cynical sales person will know better. He has been brushed off – it happens. Do we dwell on it? No – we take a moment to analyse if there is anything which we might have done better and then we move on to the next call.

Good manners may be one thing, but there is no substitute for straightforward honesty. It may seem harsh, but it’s ultimately refreshing. I’m only asking if you’d like to consider working with me. If the answer is “no”, I won’t take it personally, especially if it’s because you don’t buy merchandise anyway.

So just give me a hearty “thanks but no thanks”. You don’t need my catalogue – you’re never going to read it and the “file” you speak of is currently sat under your desk, currently housing 2 empty plastic cups and a banana skin. And I have just one question for you – if you don’t buy merchandise, how do you market yourselves and how has it been working for you so far?”

There are plenty of people out there who genuinely have no need for promotional merchandise. Don’t feel bad for them – it’s Christmas – give them some soup.

This is the last blog of 2008. I’d like to thank you for reading, and for those of you who have left comments too. Please tell your friends and associates about this blog – I love writing it and plan to keep on doing so. One final reminder to please sponsor me in the London Marathon – the link is on the right hand side of the page.

Happy Holidays.

A sneak preview into your next marketing meeting...

Here is the agenda for your next marketing meeting:

Item 1 – We haven’t got any money for marketing
Item 2 – Please refer to item 1

See? And you were planning on taking up valuable minutes of your day to have a meeting. Look at the time you’ve saved!

In the last week alone, I have spoken with countless companies who seem to have had this very meeting. They get a lot of really good ideas together, phone around for quotes, organise samples, negotiate better prices and then WHAM! They get told by their bosses that there is no money to be spent on marketing.

Is that going to happen in your next meeting? Are you asking for quotes right now, safe in the knowledge that you are actually allowed to buy anything at all? I don’t want to sound bitter, but I am, so that’s how it’s going to come across.

Here’s a scenario for you. What if I told you that if you spent £5000 with me today, that I could turn it in to £25,000 within 2 months and what’s more, if I didn’t, I would give you all of your money back? Now remember, you’ve just been told that you have NO money to spend on marketing. Do you think that £5000 might just magically appear from somewhere? You bet it would.

Now wind things back a little bit. I don’t have a magical means of turning that £5000 into £25000. Or do I? You see before all this credit crunch, monster munch, lordy help me please nonsense hit, people all over the world believed in marketing. They spent money to increase their company’s exposure. They couldn’t necessarily show you a spreadsheet pointing to how their marketing spend had been converted into revenue, but they knew that it had.

So why did they stop believing? Fear – that’s why. People lose faith in all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons, and then as soon as everything is alright again, that faith is restored. Funny thing though – that thing you stopped believing in didn’t go away just because you stopped believing.

It’s a bit like the fairies in Peter Pan. For those of you not familiar (oh don’t act like you don’t know) if you stop believing in fairies, they die. It’s slightly different in business – if you stop believing in marketing, YOU die.

Marketing yourselves properly now is more vital than ever. I read some good advice this week that I would like to share with you. Don't think of words like "advertising" or "marketing" - those have negative feelings attached to them. Think instead of words like "increased exposure", "greater market share", or "more profits". Now that I have given you that warm fuzzy feeling, go and find me that £5000 we were talking about!

Food for thought, but then so is salmon.

Coffee - the prelude to everything

Coffee - it means so much to so many people. For me, it's the start to my working day. Sure, mine only comes out of a vending machine in a plastic cup and has all the sole of a Westlife album, but without it my day simply could not begin.

To the French, a natural accompaniment to their morning croissant. To the Dutch, it's the other drug that you get in Coffee Shops. Where would ante natal groups congregate if it weren't for their local Starbucks? Seriously, have you seen how many buggies they can cram into a single store? My wife and son attend there on a weekly basis - they go there more than church, which is really not all that difficult given that we're Jewish.

What third date has ever ended with "Do you fancy coming in for a snog?" and how many meetings with clients have been set up with an invitation to buy that client a cup of coffee over which they might chat?

Coffee is so much more than a beverage. It's a euphemism, it's an excuse, it's a motivator, a crowd pleaser, a way of life. Even those sad people who tone it down to decaf still "use" coffee.

Ultimately, coffee is a tool, and what makes it unique is that almost no one uses this tool incorrectly. Think of every other tool at your disposal - have they always worked exactly the way you wanted them to 100% of the time? Of course not. Coffee isn't like that - whatever you need it to do, it will do it. It's the Harry Potter of business tools and yet it's so easily taken for granted.

Is the same true of your marketing effort? Do the people in your business just expect gifts and advertising and literature to magic themselves out of thin air and present themselves to your clients without a second thought?

Ask the majority of marketeers and they'll tell you that the answer is yes. They feel woefully under-appreciated and yet without their sterling effort, business may well ground to a halt.

However, armed with this vital piece of knowledge, companies still consider marketing budget to be the first thing they cut when times are tight. THIS IS WRONG! When times are tight, my customers are going to spend less - I get that, but they are going to spend, and they're going to make a real point of shopping around for the best deals. Now if your competitors are climbing the nearest bell tower and shouting about their deals more than you, where exactly do you think that customer is going to go?

And what about when times aren't tight any more? When the small time thinkers have closed their doors there'll be a massive pool of potential clients out there looking for someone to help them, and chances are they'll go to the people who market themselves properly.

You've cut the budgets. OK, we get that, but don't let that mean that you end up buying nothing. Just make sure that you align yourselves with a company that will help you buy wisely - and there's no prizes for guessing who that might be!

This week, my colleague Sophia wanted a mention. That was it.