Statistics are no use to me

Are you sick of it yet? Marketing people all over the world telling you that the biggest mistake you can make in this economic crisis is to cut your marketing budgets. You need to spend more, you must borrow budgets from other departments, hell, sell a kidney if you have to but for God’s sake DON’T STOP MARKETING!!!!!!

Sure, there are lots of statistics to back up the advice. Companies who spent more on marketing in the last recession saw sales grow by as much as 70%. Such firms included Kraft, Pizza Hut and my personal favourite – Taco Bell, not that they have them over here any more, so I’m left to fend for myself with an Old El Paso Taco Kit and frankly, chopping tomatoes is a bloody pain.

OK, so we know that it works – not the tomatoes, the marketing. We also know that companies all over the world are cutting back on their marketing despite all of the evidence screaming at them that they’re wrong. The trouble is that statistics don’t actually answer the fundamental question – just exactly WHY is it important to spend more and HOW will it make my sales increase.

For me, I think it’s important to strip away all of the maths and economic theorem. I didn’t go to university and I don’t really have a firm grasp of economics. My view of money is a simple one – either you have it or you don’t, and it doesn’t matter which one of those groups you’re in, you always want more.

So once you strip it all away what are you really left with? Emotion. Trust. Confidence. These are commodities that you can actually use.

Let’s say that word gets out that one of your competitors is not doing so well. Their own customers are going to start to lose that confidence. They’re going to feel like it would be a good idea to see what else is available. That once loyal customer goes back out into the marketplace. They’re a brand new prospect facing all of the noise and confusion that goes with looking for a new supplier. Who do they call first? You guessed it – they call the company who made the most noise. In other words, they called the company that utilised the best marketing strategy.

It’s really very simple. When things are going well, you market yourself to attract new customers. There’s a pool of potential clients out there just waiting to be approached. But then if you think about it, it’s always been that way, and it always will be, only when things are bad, there are more people in that pool, and they’re screaming to be taken out.

But wait, you say – what if there is no rumour that my competitor is in trouble? What if things are actually fine? Well they’re not fine are they? Any newspaper can tell you that. All of a sudden everybody wants to negotiate, they’ve turned the entire commercial world into one big Middle Eastern street market – not just because they have less to spend, but because they are working on the assumption that suppliers are dropping prices just to undercut the competition. “What do you mean five quid? That’s daylight robbery. I’ll give you four quid and that’s my final offer”. I see, so five pounds is robbery but four is socially acceptable. Lovely.

None the less our competitors' once loyal customers have started browsing in that stall across the street. They’re enticed by all the shiny trinkets on display, the scent of ethnic snacks that fill the air and the shopkeeper that’s such a colourful character. Put the analogy back in the box and you’ll realise the stall in question is you. Your marketing concept is slicker than your competitors and you will win that business.

It’s all about emotion. People don’t feel confident right now. Your competitors didn’t do anything wrong, but their customers are under increasing pressure to ensure that they are getting the absolute best deal that they can, so whilst it’s more important than ever to hang on to your existing clients, it would be crazy not to take advantage of the fact that your competitors might be struggling to do just that.

How do you do that? Marketing. Do it right and the costs will quickly disappear in a sea of profit. Don’t do it all and…….well, do we really need to spell it out?

Money Talks

First of all, my apologies for not providing my loyal fans with a blog last week. I was rather ill and certain things needed to take a back seat. These included eating, sleeping, generally being comfortable and writing blogs. None the less HE'S BACK, AND THIS TIME....IT'S PERSONAL. It isn't, don't worry.

In recent weeks I have spoken about value. I have tried to illustrate that a cut in budget allows us all the opportunity to think so much more about our below the line marketing. For some people, this has struck a chord, and I'm delighted. For many others, it still comes down to who can provide the cheapest merchandise.

It would be lovely to think the loyalty and good service can triumph over the lowest prices, but in the current climate, I think we all have to accept that this is not always going to be the case.

Fortunately, this week I am in a position to appeal to your wallets. One of Europe's biggest suppliers is getting ready to launch their new catalogue and in the process, has decided to discontinue a number of lines. Now normally when you hear the word "discontinued", your mind instantly starts looking for all the things that must be wrong with it. That's reasonable - I mean think of all the crap that we wish would discontinue - Big Brother, The Star Wars Franchise, the rule of the Labour Party, but sometimes things just get discontinued because a new and improved model gets released. We're not just going to trash the old stuff, so how to entice people to buy?

It's simple. MAKE IT CHEAP. And so it is that we have a 132 page catalogue, just brimming with merchandise with discounts of between 40 and 70%. What is more, in many cases, we're not talking about the last dozen gathering dust in a warehouse - we may have literally thousands of them but once they're gone, they're gone.

Now of course news like this doesn't remain a secret for long, and it's safe to say that some of the more popular lines will have already been snapped up by the time you read this, but if you really want to bag yourself a bargain before the financial year end, you'll need to go here:

Have a click through, and then call me for prices and availability. This information is not just for the enlightened few that read this blog - our whole sales team is sharing it with all of their clients, as are all of our competitors, so don't be disappointed to learn you were just minutes too late.

Good luck and happy shopping.

The best gadgets don't need batteries

Gadgets, gadgets, gadgets. Everyone wants to know about the latest cool product that they can give to their clients. What does it do? How does it work? How will it enrich my otherwise mundane existence?

We marvel at the latest toys to find their way over from the Far East. USB sticks with fingerprint identification, travel mugs that stir the drinks for us, even T Shirts with a full colour print that react to sunlight. This stuff is cool. This stuff is now. This stuff is........completely unnecessary.

Seriously. A mug that stirs your drink for you? Any archaeologist working on any dig site will invariably find some sort of spoon - they've been around for thousands of years. OK, I know, sometimes you can't find a spoon, but surely that's going to be at roughly the same time you also forget to bring your self stirring mug.

A fingerprint to open my USB stick? Come on. If my stick gets nicked then it was my own stupid fault for leaving it in a vulnerable position, and if any of the files are truly sensitive, I'll whack a password on them. And since when did anyone with half a brain not back up their most sensitive data anyway?

As for the T Shirt....well actually, they are rather cool, so feel free to order a sample.

People come over to our stand at trade shows because they think we are the corporate equivalent of The Gadget Shop. We're not. Sure we've got some cool toys, but my biggest selling item last year was a lanyard. Yep. A lanyard. A shoelace that you wear around your neck. That's all it does and I sold over a million of them.

Last week I met with a company who were looking for something cool and exciting. We went through what it is they did and how they communicated with their customers and it turned out that the very best thing that they could use was actually a notebook. Not a cool laptop - I'm talking about a real book with paper in it - real cutting edge stuff. Printed in an effective way, this notebook would become a standard tool amongst all of their clients and potential new customers. A clock that runs on fairy dust just won't do that.

Any gadget lover will confess to the fact that he or she (oh come on, it's he) has at least one or two items in a cupboard which have them wonder why the hell they ever thought that it would be a good idea. Old games consoles, Breville sandwich toasters, universal remote controls the size of Bristol (bought in order to give us more space), all of them now gathering dust but holding too much sentimental value to find their way into the nearest skip.

So if you think that giving a gadget is the right way to go, think again. I'm not saying that it isn't right - some gadgets really will boost sales for you, but why not take a moment to think about what your customers actually need as opposed to what they might really like for five minutes.

Right, I'm off to watch a Blu Ray movie on my 50" LCD TV whilst I sit in my luxury massage chair drinking a beer from the built in fridge in the arm rest. OK, you got me, it's a good book and a Pot Noodle - but at least I'll stir it myself.

Some of us are in a good mood

Some of you may be pleasantly surprised to learn that this week's blog is written by someone in a good, and dare I say, optimistic mood. Oh sure, I love to wax lyrical about everything that's wrong in my view of the world - it would be easy to make some sarcastic comment about some banker drawing a £650K pension whilst he single handedly brought down the British economy. That's not fair is it? I mean he didn't do it on his own. It's not like he's sat in some secret lair in a volcano stroking a white cat and working on his evil laugh while hoards of unappreciated henchmen drive aimlessly up and down corridors in forklift trucks and push buttons on giant computers. OR IS HE????? (No, he isn't - we've seen him on the telly).

You see this week we exhibited at International Confex at Earls Court, and the general feeling amongst a lot of the exhibitors was that it was a lot quieter than last year. They were right - it was. There were times when you could see from one end of the hall to the other without craning your neck to see passed a tall person. I'm actually quite short, so that worked for me on many levels.

So here we are, all paying the same amount of money and time to attend a show with less delegates than we were hoping for, and yet whilst all the others were moaning, I found myself thinking one thing - I'm thirsty - OK - it was two things. I found myself thinking that this was GREAT! Trade shows typically invite a lot of people who are simply there to take a day out of the office and pick up a lot of free stuff, yet in an economic downturn, these same people cannot afford to do that. If they're happy with their suppliers, then time spent shopping around is seen as time wasted.

So we're off to a good start. A higher percentage of people coming on to my stand are genuine potential customers, rather than students looking for a free pen and a box of jelly beans. The jelly beans went down really well by the way, but we did get a lot of the jalapeno flavoured ones. I quite liked them myself, but the rest of the gang weren't so sure.

We've got our good customers. Now what? Well for many of them, their opener was very similar; "We've had to cut our marketing budget". What's my reaction to this - you guessed it - GREAT! You see they said that they had to cut their marketing budget, not their marketing effort. They still needed merchandise, they just wanted to spend less. As a salesman, you'd think that news would be like a slap round my bald head, but it really isn't. Think about it, when you find yourself having to economise at home, what's the first thing you do? You PLAN. You start thinking about ways to make that penny go even further than it did before, and once you start really thinking about it, you amaze yourself at just how much you really can save.

What's going to happen if you put that money saving effort into your marketing plans? Well the more likely result is that you're going to look for ways to get a greater return on your investment. If you previously looked at a 15% return, you now want to make that 30%. Is it really such a puzzle to spend less and yet make more? Well it is if you've never worked with us before. Our clients are slashing budgets left and right and yet we're all still smiling. It's a cliche to work smart rather than hard, and yet so many people ignore that same advice when it comes to their marketing.

The ones that are marketing "smart" are moving away from being mere buyers into being fully fledged marketeers, and they need to partner with experts now more than ever before. I'm excited about what all of this means. People who meet me know that I have all of the enthusiasm of a speed addict who has just downed a dozen red bulls and watched a Jackie Chan movie before I go into a meeting. I've always been like that - I'm genuinely excited about your marketing plans. I just don't get those Marketing Managers who don't feel the same way. They've been tasked with improving their company's profits in the worst economy we have seen in decades. If they can succeed in that, they'll be worshipped as gods. Small children will come to visit their statues in the town square and leave boiled sweets in a bowl by their feet. Songs will be sung of their bravery and wisdom. Alright, someone might give them an iPod, but you see what I mean.

Less money = more creativity. Less money = more opportunity. Less money = more focus.

So with less money meaning so much, don't you feel just a little sorry for that evil banker?

Sales AND Marketing

Let be start by telling you that I am knackered. My son Felix has taken to demanding his breakfast at just before 6am. I'd like to say "requesting" as opposed to "demanding", but seeing as how there is no practical way to deny him what he wants, he knows he has the upper hand. I supposed I should be proud of his learning how to successfully negotiate at 11 months - he tells me what he wants, I try to outline a suitable compromise, he cries, he gets what he wants. It's not a tactic I'm willing to try in the office, but you do have to wonder what would happen if I did.

Anyway, despite my desperately wanting to curl up in front of the sofa with a warm wife, it's time for this week's blog. The title is Sales AND Marketing, and it's the AND part that's really starting to bug me.

You see there are lots of companies out there that consider these two functions to be separate things - one team to look after marketing, and the other to look after sales. Personally, I think that these companies are missing the bigger picture.

Think about it. What exactly is Marketing anyway? I've always thought of it as getting your brand in front of both existing and potential new customers. I'm sure some nerd with a degree in marketing would be more than happy to write me an essay telling me how wrong I am but I'll spare him the trouble - I won't read it, so don't bother.

OK, so what exactly do Sales people do all day when they're not watching Pandas sneezing on You Tube? They get their company's products and services in front of as many existing and potential new customers as possible.

See the link? Aside from a few operational differences, Sales and Marketing do the same job. They have the same goal and perhaps most importantly, they should be sharing the same tools in order to reach that goal.

So do your Sales Team and your Marketing Team meet regularly to discuss strategy? Are your Sales people invited to submit campaign suggestions or advertising ideas?

Today I met with a Marketing Manager who advised me that his top Sales people will regularly visit their best clients and might bring them a bottle of champagne that they pay for themselves. I asked him how his Sales people felt about that and he didn't know. As a Salesman myself I can tell you how I'd feel about it - annoyed. Why am I financing the marketing operation of my company? If we are leaving gifts with our clients, should the company not be paying for that?

To make matters worse, just how powerful is a bottle of champagne anyway? You give it, they take it home, whack it in the fridge and drunk it at some random point in the future, and you can bet that they won't be toasting your good health when they do. So that's at least £30 of your own money with next to no return on your investment.

Just think how much more effective it would have been to have given them something that they could have used in their day to day working environment. They would feel a debt of gratitude to you every time that they used it, and that might be every single day. I hardly think Moet can boast the same claims!

So stop separating your Sales and Marketing - they're doing the same job, and if you put the right tools in place early enough, you'll see both departments becoming profit centres, and isn't that what you wanted all along?

Next week we'll be exhibiting at International Confex at Earls Court. You'll find us on Stand G100 and there are free gifts on offer to anyone who prints out this invitation and brings it along.

We hope to see you there and have a good week in business.

Pens - I may have to change my tune

Week in, week out, my colleague Sophia opens this blog and almost instantly screams at me that I have not given her a mention. Frankly, I am sick of it - this isn't some club where I need to "shout out to the Mania Massive", nor do I imagine that mentioning her at all will bring about an increase in my company's profitability, but I swear if I hear one more moan I may just have to pick up the nearest Google branded baseball bat and go a bit mental. Sophia - hello.

And so it is we come to the subject of this week's blog - Pens. Now regular readers (oh I do hope I have some) will know that I am not really a fan of pens. It's not the pens themselves - they've not done anything wrong, it's more what they stand for. Pens are a quick fix - everybody uses them so everybody must surely want one with my company's logo on right? WRONG! Think about it - you've probably got at least half a dozen branded pens around your desk, but how many can you name without looking? Exactly - and these people thought that they were marketing to you?

However, as I say I have been giving cause recently to think about changing my tune. There were two occasions in the last week where pens would have made the perfect gift. The first was when I went to lunch at Nandos - or the thinking man's KFC as I like to call it. I overheard the manager talking about how they should just get some pencils and so I asked him what his pen situation was. He told me that staff help themselves to pens on a weekly basis, so much so that around 40 pens per week go missing.

I decided to solve his problem, and returned with a small selection of Merchandise Mania pens which he could share amongst his team. Judging by their reaction, you'd have thought I'd just delivered a suitcase filled with money. Those pens cost me no more than £3 in total, and yet in the eyes of the recipients, I am now a legend. I am a Chicken Legend - no hang on, that's a McDonalds limited edition burger isn't it? None the less, how wonderful to be able to spread joy throughout my potential customers. I'm still waiting for my complimentary box of olives, but I'm sure they're on their way.

The second situation had a little more gravity to it, so I'll start at the end and let you know that there is a happy ending to this. Yesterday my son was very ill, and our GP advised us to take him to the hospital. Like I say, he is fine - he is at home with his mother and there is nothing to worry about, but thanks for your concern.

Whilst we were waiting at the hospital (they need a new word for that level of waiting don't they? I mean it's fine to wait 5 minutes for a bus, it's bordering on acceptable to wait 6 minutes for a doner kebab, but waiting 3 hours for a doctor is not just waiting, it's torture) all of the nurses we saw, all of the medical students, all of the doctors, in fact everyone, seems to be fighting over one Biro. Now I know the NHS is not without its problems, but one Biro? Seriously? The pharmaceutical industry spend millions on branded toys; on new and innovative ways to ensure that their treatments are the ones the doctors use, and yet they're all missing a trick. THE MEDICAL WORLD NEEDS PENS! They need lots and lots of pens. Don't you think they have enough to deal with without looking to borrow a chewed up Biro from the closest colleague? "Oh, so sorry to have kept you waiting, I was looking for a pen. If only I'd gotten here sooner, we could have saved that leg........"

And so I must resign myself to the need for pens. As I have always said, the right product, used the right way can truly make a difference. If your customers are likely to use pens, make sure they are using one with your name on it. Let's face it, if they're going to spend all day as victims of subliminal advertising, shouldn't they be thinking about you?

When is a pen not a pen?

Actually - that's a trick question. A pen is ALWAYS a pen. I don't care if it can light up in seven different colours, turn into a pencil or nip down the shops to pick me up a Doner Kebab, it is still just a pen.

You see that's the trouble with a lot of promotional merchandise. Despite the fact that so many people ask us to show them something new and interesting, the plain truth is that we have seen it all before.

When I first got into this business, walking around trade shows was like Disneyland for me. "WOW! A mouse with coloured liquid inside it!" or "OOOH- this mug changes colour when you pour in hot liquid! and let's not forget "OH MY GOD - it's a stress toy in the shape of a human hand!"

Sadly, after 7 years, all I see are mice, mugs and stress toys. None the less, this cynical view of my world actually has an upside to it. Well I had to find one, otherwise I'd have The Samaritans on speed dial. Come to think of it, do you think The Samaritans use promotional merchandise? Maybe they keep a stack of post it notes next to the phone with "Everything's going to be alright" printed on them.

So what is the silver lining in my ever looming cloud? Well, you can spot it when I call your company and tell you that I have a new product about which I am genuinely excited. Such a call will come around once, maybe twice a year. In 2008 it was for the Stickydrive - a brand new way for people to use their USB flash drives. I truly believed that this was the future and I told all of my clients about it.

This year, it's a new type of MP3 player. A bespoke rubber mould with at least 1Gb of memory on board with prices from as low as £10 per unit. Now I spent 2 days trawling through a trade show to find something which got me excited and this really jumped out at me.

I know what you're thinking - it's just an MP3 player. Well that's true, but consider what you could do with it. If you're planning on popping down to Currys to pick up a bunch of iPod shuffles then think again. This product is cheaper and affords you the opportunity to get your logo out there.

Radio Stations, Museums, Travel Companies - I could go on and on about all of the different industries that can benefit from this product and so I will be dedicating a lot of my time in the forthcoming months to getting this out there.

I promised in my very first blog that I would bring you industry news and developments, and I want to make sure that amidst all of the rhetoric and fun that there is actually something that you can USE.

So jump on this one early, before you find yourself going from "WOW! a bespoke moulded MP3 player with my logo on it! to "oh yeah, a walkman".