Pens - I may have to change my tune

Week in, week out, my colleague Sophia opens this blog and almost instantly screams at me that I have not given her a mention. Frankly, I am sick of it - this isn't some club where I need to "shout out to the Mania Massive", nor do I imagine that mentioning her at all will bring about an increase in my company's profitability, but I swear if I hear one more moan I may just have to pick up the nearest Google branded baseball bat and go a bit mental. Sophia - hello.

And so it is we come to the subject of this week's blog - Pens. Now regular readers (oh I do hope I have some) will know that I am not really a fan of pens. It's not the pens themselves - they've not done anything wrong, it's more what they stand for. Pens are a quick fix - everybody uses them so everybody must surely want one with my company's logo on right? WRONG! Think about it - you've probably got at least half a dozen branded pens around your desk, but how many can you name without looking? Exactly - and these people thought that they were marketing to you?

However, as I say I have been giving cause recently to think about changing my tune. There were two occasions in the last week where pens would have made the perfect gift. The first was when I went to lunch at Nandos - or the thinking man's KFC as I like to call it. I overheard the manager talking about how they should just get some pencils and so I asked him what his pen situation was. He told me that staff help themselves to pens on a weekly basis, so much so that around 40 pens per week go missing.

I decided to solve his problem, and returned with a small selection of Merchandise Mania pens which he could share amongst his team. Judging by their reaction, you'd have thought I'd just delivered a suitcase filled with money. Those pens cost me no more than £3 in total, and yet in the eyes of the recipients, I am now a legend. I am a Chicken Legend - no hang on, that's a McDonalds limited edition burger isn't it? None the less, how wonderful to be able to spread joy throughout my potential customers. I'm still waiting for my complimentary box of olives, but I'm sure they're on their way.

The second situation had a little more gravity to it, so I'll start at the end and let you know that there is a happy ending to this. Yesterday my son was very ill, and our GP advised us to take him to the hospital. Like I say, he is fine - he is at home with his mother and there is nothing to worry about, but thanks for your concern.

Whilst we were waiting at the hospital (they need a new word for that level of waiting don't they? I mean it's fine to wait 5 minutes for a bus, it's bordering on acceptable to wait 6 minutes for a doner kebab, but waiting 3 hours for a doctor is not just waiting, it's torture) all of the nurses we saw, all of the medical students, all of the doctors, in fact everyone, seems to be fighting over one Biro. Now I know the NHS is not without its problems, but one Biro? Seriously? The pharmaceutical industry spend millions on branded toys; on new and innovative ways to ensure that their treatments are the ones the doctors use, and yet they're all missing a trick. THE MEDICAL WORLD NEEDS PENS! They need lots and lots of pens. Don't you think they have enough to deal with without looking to borrow a chewed up Biro from the closest colleague? "Oh, so sorry to have kept you waiting, I was looking for a pen. If only I'd gotten here sooner, we could have saved that leg........"

And so I must resign myself to the need for pens. As I have always said, the right product, used the right way can truly make a difference. If your customers are likely to use pens, make sure they are using one with your name on it. Let's face it, if they're going to spend all day as victims of subliminal advertising, shouldn't they be thinking about you?