Put me in that Den

I know what you’re all thinking. “OK Paul, it’s been a week since you went to that massive trade show – what fantastic new bits of merchandise are you going to share with us all?”

Well the sad truth is that I brought you all back very little. The promotional marketplace has become overcrowded with people who are simply trying to reinvent the wheel.

Every once in a while I would see something that would make me want to stop and ask questions. That’s a GOOD thing. That’s what you want your promotional merchandise to do – have people stop and engage you in conversation. After they’ve started talking to you, it’s up to you to ask them the right questions and work towards converting them into a fully fledged, flesh and blood, money spending CUSTOMER. You remember customers don’t you? They were big around 2007, but I bet that feels like a million years ago now doesn’t it?

You see I spent a lot of time at the show feeling like one of the Dragons in the Den. Enthusiastic sales people would show me the product that they believed would be “the next big thing” and it was up to me to decide whether they were onto something, or simply another deluded nut job who spent far too many nights in his shed jacked up on cough syrup and bad espresso.

There were ideas that made perfect sense to me. A fridge magnet with a little blinking light inside it. Sounds simple enough – say you want to leave a message for someone on the fridge and it’s REALLY important. Simply use this magnet to attach the message, press the button, and the light blinks to alert this person that there is an important message for them on the fridge.

Of course, I would argue that if something were that important, there must be a more efficient communication device than something that sits in your kitchen, keeping your cheese and beer at the appropriate temperature – but who am I to argue with progress?

And how about this? A pen (yes I said pen) with a plant growing inside it! I am not making this up. The pen has a little bit of earth in a small plastic dome at the top and you grow a plant inside of it. It’s certainly novel, and for those companies looking to promote idea of growth, it makes perfect sense.

Oh, here’s one. A miniature bottle of Tabasco sauce in it’s own presentation box which can be branded with your company’s details. Perfect if you want to run a campaign about a product that’s going to be 'hot' or that you can help customers 'spice' things up.

Do you see a pattern here? You see, taken out of context these products seem utterly pointless. Present them to Theo and his mates and they’ll laugh you right out of the den – demoralised, deflated and having to face that bloke with the sticky out ears to have your humiliation rubbed in your face one last time on camera.

However, tie them in to a specific and targeted campaign, and you just might be sitting on a very profitable idea. Think about how many weird and wonderful items you got sent last year from companies looking to secure your business. Did all of them instantly make sense? They probably did because some slick marketing executive came up with some really good copy to accompany the gift. My wife got sent a packet of sunflower seeds from her car dealership. We didn’t plant the seeds, but she did buy her next car from that same dealership because we read the literature that came with the seeds. Clever word play is worth its weight in gold.

Merchandise, in and of itself, will do absolutely nothing for your marketing. You need to make it relevant and interesting. Nobody reads junk mail, but they may well read the card that comes with their free gift – but only if it makes sense. The sunflower seeds accompanied a summertime promotion which spoke about how people’s love of their car can grow – not rocket science, but it did produce the desired result.

So how does this information help you? Well it’s to tell you that if you align yourself with a merchandise company who merely provide you with product, then you are limiting yourselves to what you see in catalogues and websites. What makes more sense is to align yourselves with someone who helps you to create a complete campaign, right down to the wacky slogan.

As you know, I’m prepared to do that work for FREE. That’s right, a slick and effective merchandising campaign, designed completely free of charge. All I ask is that you buy the merchandise from me, which would seem only fair wouldn’t it?

You’re more than welcome to pay agencies to come up with ideas for you, but they’re still going to come to me for the merchandise, so why not skip a step, save some money and get straight to the good stuff? Call me right now and let's get started.

Oh, and just so you don’t think I found the silver lining in every cloud I saw, I’ll leave you with this item - a small device that you attach to your luggage. When the carousel starts up, you press a button on a remote control and a light starts flashing on your luggage to help you locate it. Two things come to mind – first; I know what my luggage looks like thank you very much and second; an electronic device attached to a suitcase operated by a remote control – what could possibly go wrong?

Have a good week.