Stop giving it away

Well here we are at the end of another decade. It's a good time for us to look back and compare where we are now to where we were in 1999, but you can do that later when you're on your eighth double vodka and telling all your mates how much you love them.

This week I wanted to leave you with a thought about how we can all do more business next year. It's nothing to do with better customer service, calling more prospects, sending out more gifts or any of the other things I have suggested in this blog. No - it's more that we all work on a simple basic principal and, as the title of this blog suggests - stop giving it away.

Allow me to elaborate. Oh go on, what else are you going to do? It's bad enough you're being made to work on New Year's Eve, and if you had some proper work to do you wouldn't be reading this would you?

My wife is a singer. It's not her full time job, although she would dearly love it to be, but none the less she does get paid for what she does. She sings as part of a duo and a few weeks ago they were booked to sing in a restaurant. Now the restaurant asked them to entertain the customers between 8.30pm and 11.30pm and a price for this three hours was agreed.

Everything seemed straightforward, except that just a little before 11.30, the manager asked if they could carry on for a little longer and, not wishing to disappoint, they carried on and the evening finally wrapped up at around 12.30pm.

The manager, duly satisfied that the evening had gone well, came over to pay the entertainers and........and I suspect you know what's coming here......paid them the originally agreed amount.

Was the manager out of order? Absolutely - he agreed upon a set amount of money for three hours' work and then paid the same amount for four hours' worth. Cheeky, but not entirely his fault. You see, from a moral perspective, he should have offered to pay more when it came time to settle up, but the responsibility actually rests with the people charging, and NOT with the people paying.

The fact is, when the manager came over and asked them to continue, their response should have been a little more like this:

"Of course we're happy to carry on and we're delighted that everyone is enjoying the music. I'm sure you'll appreciate though that we agreed upon a figure based on our working for you for three hours, so if we are going to extend that, we would have to charge more."

Risky? Well it can be. What they risk is that the manager would have thought of them as inflexible and purely working for the money. If that's true, then that manager needs to think more about the way he's running his own business. If someone came into his restaurant, ordered a meal and then, as they're eating, asked for a whole bunch of extras, he would charge them for it. It's not cheeky - it's business.

The worst thing that could have happened for the singers is that they were not invited to sing in that restaurant again. How likely is that though? As a result of their singing, customers were staying longer and therefore, spending more. That manager's profits were up as a direct result of the entertainment that he had booked, so would it not be fair for him to reward them accordingly?

Regular readers of this blog will know that I do not believe in "giveaways". Everything that you give to a potential customer is an investment. You are literally buying customers, and as long as they are spending more on you than what you spent on them, your business model is going to work.

Did the singers have any other options to guarantee that they were not giving their time away? Of course they did. If they didn't feel comfortable charging for the additional hour, then they could have tried this:

"No problem at all Mr Manager (how weird would it be if the bloke's name actually was Mr Manager?) we're happy to carry on for you but before we do, how about you grab your diary and we'll set up our next engagement with you".

Sure it's bold, but is it any more bold than the manager asking them to work for free?

This is my plan for 2010 and beyond, and I invite you to join me. Together, we're going to stop giving it away. We won't give away time. We won't give away knowledge and more importantly, we won't give away money. All of our businesses are built on profit. I'll gladly work for you, come up with ideas, create campaigns, provide samples, create visuals and everything else that I am able to do to help you make the most of your marketing, but I am going to ask that you make it worth my while.

So let us all march boldly into a new decade with a clear mission in mind. The recovery on our economy doesn't need to be put into the hands of moronic politicians who make promises that they cannot keep. It's up to each and every one of us to truly value who we are, what we do, and what we can do to help each other.

Have a fantastic new year and please keep reading and recommending this blog.

Budgets Schmudgets

Think about the last time you saw or heard an advert for the next lottery draw. What was their hook? It's usually along the lines of "this week the jackpot is an amazing twelve million pounds!!!" Seems fair enough, why wouldn't you buy a ticket when the chance to change your life forever is a mere six digits away?

What would happen if the advert simply said "This week, a lottery ticket will only cost you fifty pence"? Do you think it would have the same massive appeal? No, of course it wouldn't.

Now the interesting thing for me is that people look at their marketing from the latter point of view. So many people take a look at their next important campaign and start by setting themselves a budget.

Of course we have to be realistic. You can't just throw an infinite amount of money at something on the assumption that it's going to return a profit, but it does seem that there is a fundamental difference in the question that we are asking, rather than the one that we should be asking.

So how about this. The next time you decide you want to use some promotional merchandise for a campaign, don't ask yourself how much you want to spend. Instead, ask yourself how much you want to make.

As I've mentioned on many occasions, simply giving out merchandise to the masses is not effective marketing. You have no real way to test and measure how effective it is. You may well send out 5000 gifts, get 50 customers and then congratulate yourself on a 1% conversion rate - and in the world of direct mail, 1% is considered a victory.

One percent? Say it again and really think about it - ONE PERCENT. If I told you that tomorrow morning you would have to go to work, slog it out for eight hours, put up with all manner of stress and at the end of the day, improve your personal circumstances by one percent, you'd probably do the smart thing and stay in bed.

So the next time you're putting a campaign together, shift the focus to what it is you truly want to get out of it. If you're only looking at a 1% conversion, then put your money away. You'll make so much more by simply asking your existing customers to refer you to someone they know and arranging to go and meet them.

However, if you have a very clear objective that what you want is hundreds, if not thousands of new customers, then now we have something to talk about, and your allocated budget will pale in comparison to the amount of money that you stand to make.

Well, I'm off to sunny Spain for a week and then it's Christmas, so the next posting from me will be on the 29th of December - I hope to see you then.

How was your meal?

I had a fantastic couple of meetings this week, and as we sat there talking about all things marketing, I was struck with a couple of gems which I thought would make good blog posts.

It highlights just how important it is to keep having conversations and asking good questions. The well of ideas can dry up at any time, but the world is full of people who can inspire you if you just take the time to listen to them.

In one of my meetings, we came onto the subject of customer feedback. Now lots of companies send out survey cards - we certainly do at Merchandise Mania, because unless we're scoring five out of five in every area of the customer experience, we know that there is room for improvement.

Now the survey card is great, and you've probably filled out one or two in your own time too. I know that I see them in hotels, for example, but the truth is that I only feel compelled to fill them out if the service has been either very good or very bad. If everything was just OK, I probably won't bother.

See the problem? Really? Well you must be even more tired than me then.

The problem is that just OK is simply not good enough. Nobody ever came back from a restaurant, called their friends and proclaimed in their most excited voice "I just had a meal and it was satisfactory!!!"

Now I mentioned restaurants here because they are the worst offenders, and it's not really even their fault. The Great British Reserve certainly plays its part here too. You know the scene - you're eating a meal and quite frankly, it's so so - you'd give it a five out of ten. Not bad enough to complain but certainly not good enough to return.

The waiter comes by and asks "How is everything" and you reply "Fine thanks" and away he goes.

It's a tale as old as time, but how would you feel if the conversation went more like this:

Waiter - "How is everything?"

You - "Fine thanks".

Waiter - "I'm delighted to hear that, but truth be told, all of us here were hoping that your experience was so much more than fine. Would you mind if we asked you what you would change to make things better? We promise that we won't be offended and what's more, we'd like to reward you for your honesty with a round of drinks on the house".

Sounds too good to be true? That's because it never happens. Think about it - the investment of time and a couple of drinks from the restaurant could not only create a repeat customer, but could also lead to referrals from a customer who was blown away at a new and refreshing experience. He's bound to mention it to at least one person, and that is the core of a good marketing strategy.

Well that's one way of looking at it, but what if the meal was more than fine? What if it was actually really good? How about this conversation instead:

Waiter - "How is everything"

You - "It's great thanks"

Waiter - "I'm delighted to hear you say that. If it's not too bold a question, we want to make sure that all of our customers are just as pleased as you are. Do you mind my asking what you liked the most and what, if anything, you would change if you could?"

At the core of all of these questions is an understanding that everyone has one favourite topic of conversation - themselves. Nobody is likely to have a problem with this scenario because people love to talk about their opinions, it's just that some of them need a little nudge before they truly open up.

So how do you relate to your customers when it comes to feeback? Perhaps you use a survey card or a website but, just for fun, why not engage them in a conversation instead? Not only are you likely to see them return with more business, but you are bound to get referrals as a business that truly listens to the needs and wants of its customers.

The only investment you need make is time, and if you can't spare ten minutes to double your revenue stream, what the hell are you doing all day?

Have a great week in business, and please let me know how you get on.

Minimum order quantities

Good morning everybody - I trust that this day finds you well. I, sadly, have all but completely lost my voice, so I'll be confined to communicating via email, blog, post it note and smoke signal for the rest of the day.

Last night I found myself enjoying a telephone rant with an associate and as he is a follower of this blog, he suggested that it would make a suitable topic for today's posting, so a big shout out to KM in Hertfordshire - you know who you are. More importantly, I know what you did - and you should be ashamed of yourself.

We found ourselves talking about small orders. Now this is a touchy subject because any sensible business person will tell you that there really is no such thing as a small order. Oh sure, the initial value may seem low, but that person could become your next biggest customer. Good sense usually plays its part though. If Microsoft call you up because they want 12 football shirts for their company team, then you'll probably run around like a headless chicken to make it happen.

Similarly, if the local comprehensive call you up with the same request, you may well politely have to turn them down.

The important thing is that you need to put a value on your time, and the time of your suppliers too. Minimum order quantities exist for a good reason. In the world of print, it takes time, money and manpower to set up print plates and start up massive machines to process orders. Simply printing, say, 50 plastic pens is just not cost effective for anyone involved in the process. The simple rule of thumb is that the cheaper the item, the higher the minimum order quantity.

Pens actually provide a good example there. If you're looking for a budget pen around the 30p mark, then you're likely to find minimums of 1000, or 500 if you're lucky. Conversely, if you only need 50 pens for an event, then the price point is likely to be closer to the £6 mark.

Now there are some customers who think that we're trying to be difficult. We're not. We're trying to be profitable, and frankly we make no apology for that - why should anyone in business apologise for wanting to make money?

Do you remember what I said about politely saying 'no' to the local comprehensive school? That is absolutely key here. You see, it is perfectly acceptable to turn small orders away, just as long as you explain your reasoning behind it. Now I get it - sometimes you just figure that the whole order is going to be too much of a headache and when you look at the return on it, you realise it's not worth your time.

Well why would you not explain that to your customer? You may not wish to be so blunt - OK, I'll rephrase that - you wish you could be so blunt but understand that it would most likely get you into trouble, but if you have a good relationship with your customer, surely they would understand wouldn't they?

They wouldn't? Well whose fault is that? I've spoken on more than one occasion about managing the expectations of your customers. If you paint yourself as a miracle worker who'll gladly work through the night to ensure that your customer gets his £50 order on time then I admire your commitment to customer service, but you're just not being very realistic. You're not valuing your own time and you're actually losing money.

Your best customers will always respect your honesty and your practical approach to their situation. If you can help them without losing money, then you should do so. However, we're often reminded that 95% of our headaches will come from 5% of our customers, so just how much do you stand to lose by telling these people that on this occasion, you simply cannot help them.

Those words are very important - ON THIS OCCASION. Telling them that, along with the the reasons why, may well mean that they return to you in the future. And the last part - you cannot HELP them - remember that customers come to you for all sorts of reasons, but ultimately it's because they need your help, so make sure you acknowledge that fact.

Most importantly, make a point of setting your minimum order value - that's the point at which, if you went any lower, you'd fail to make a profit. AND STICK TO IT. Now don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things that you will do for your clients for free. You could give seminars, offer to work in their offices for a day, come up with presentations, you name it - but it all has to lead somewhere, and if you have a clear picture of your objectives in offering all of this free stuff, then you will ultimately succeed.

Just remember, it is your responsibility to show your customers just how valuable you are. Doing so time and time again will mean that you won't need to get into petty conversations about price or sign-offs from managers or all those other pesky little day to day things that we would all much rather do without. You are the most valuable commodity with which you can trade. Nobody else knows what you know or can do what you do, and if your clients are shopping around for someone who they think can do your job better than you can, then you haven't shown them your true value yet, so get out there and fix it.

That's my bit for this week. Just a chance to tell you that if you're looking at using any promotional merchandise in early January, that your deadline really is creeping up fast. Factories will close over Christmas and this means that everyone will find themselves in a mad panic some time around the 4th of January. Don't be amongst them - take care of things in advance and give yourself the chance to enjoy a relaxing festive season.

Email marketing is free - NOT!

Thursday Thursday Thursday. It seems that whoever you talk to, they're excited that the weekend is only two days away. That's a bit strange really, because fewer people get as excited about Wednesday afternoons, which is almost just as close.

Well, for me, the best reason to get excited about Thursdays is the chance to write this blog. Each week I notice that the visitor counter goes up and up a little more, and yet very few people choose to write a comment to let me know that they've been here. So I know I've asked it before but if you are a new reader, hello and welcome and please write a comment for me at the end.

This week I want to talk about email marketing. More and more companies are using it because they believe it to be an inexpensive, or perhaps even free way to pitch their products and services to a mass audience, all at once.

Does it work? Does it *?*&!?***!

Let's face it, email marketing is the junk mail of the 21st Century. Sure, all the spam filters can make sure that we don't have our inboxes overflowing with offers of a better sex life and the chance to lose 2 stone in 45 minutes, but then there are still offers from legitimate organisations which are not getting read.

Not convinced? Well try this experiment. For at least one hour at work today, switch off your email. Just turn it off. If you're worried that people won't get hold of you straight away, put on your out of office assistant explaining that you're in a meeting with no access to email and that you'll be back in an hour.

After the hour is up, turn your email back on and then drag to a new folder, all those emails which you are unlikely to ever do anything about, not including the ones from your office manager letting you know that you still haven't chosen what you want to eat at the Christmas party next week.

After one week, assuming that you do this every day, just look how full that folder is. Now these companies believed that they were saving money by sharing their information with you in this format. Look how wrong they were. It's not that they saved money, they actually wasted it instead.

You see every time we see a piece of mail from someone that we have instantly deleted in the past, we're more likely to delete it again, even before we've read it. What's worse, when that company does telephone you to discuss your needs, how likely are you to want to take their phone call?

You see, email marketing is far from free. It's very very expensive. People need to understand that any marketing effort that you make shows any potential customer just how much you value them. If I send you a slick brochure, a nice gift and follow up with a professional phone call and the offer of a meeting, I'm telling you that I value your business. I'm making an investment in our future relationship and what's more, I'm more confident that I will get a good return on that investment.

Conversely, if I send you some PDF mailer that I've sent to another 50,000 people that day, what I'm actually saying to you is that you're not really all that special - you're just another potential customer amongst a sea of thousands. Well just who wants to be treated like that?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you shouldn't market yourselves via email. I'm just saying that your data needs to be clean and that email should not be the only means by which you communicate with your customers.

Think about it, the next time someone says "just send me an email", why not ask them if they feel they're ever likely to read it. It may seem blunt, but if you're a regular follower of this blog you'll know that I have no fear of total honesty.

Seriously, the time you spend writing and sending that mail could be spent calling another potential customer who may well have a genuine need for your services. Now if you follow up that phone call with a relevant gift, just think what that will do for your relationship.

Remember, the right gift, given the right way, will do wonders for your business. Do you know, I really think that's starting to become a catchphrase for me. Do you think it'll catch on?

Good Data is worth its weight in gold

Well it's all fun and games here in the Merchandise Mania workshop. In fact, I just made a comment that made Meena laugh so much that water actually came out of her nose. It's all good, clean family fun, and without that, what would be the point of coming in to work at all?

So yesterday I receive a phone call from someone offering me financial "advice". I put the word advice in quote marks because it's not really advice at all. These people are brokers and for some reason, have got my name on what I am reliably informed is known as a Sucker List. That's no joke by the way - if you get called by these brokers, you have already been labelled as a sucker.

The call opened in the usual way - the over enthusiastic hello, immediately followed by asking me how I am when it's obvious that they have no interest in the answer whatsoever. Seriously, the next time some cold calling monkey opens with "how are you", simply respond with, "Well, I'll be honest with you, if one more person tries to sell me something, I'm going to grab my rifle, drive to the nearest shopping centre and just go mental - now what can I do for you?"

Oh go on - try it - I dare you.

Back to the point. This person told me that I had spoken with a colleague of his several months ago and that he was now following up on that call. STOP RIGHT THERE, because if I did really speak with his colleague then I almost certainly would have told him that I had no interest whatsoever. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to be called in the future. I didn't want to read any literature. I was not interested.

Now you may think that I am being closed minded to these people, given how often I have spoken about the importance of keeping an open mind to opportunities. What you have to understand is that I did give one of these people a fairly large sum of money several years ago and they quite literally disappeared with it. Once bitten, twice shy, but that's a whole other story.

Once I told this caller that I was not interested, what he said next was amazing. He responded with, "Yes I can see some notes on our system so I won't start up anything with you now." Well congratulations genius, perhaps if you'd read those notes before you picked up the phone you could have saved us both some unnecessary aggravation.

What I found interesting, is that this company did take notes. They logged the details of every call so that future callers could act upon the data in question. Now any forward thinking company will employ the exact same strategy. Notes aren't just for the sales quotes and order details, they can be used to make a note of anything - a customer's birthday, their hobbies, their favourite film, whatever it is, and then armed with this knowledge, you can develop the one thing that can move you ever closer to a valuable customer - rapport.

So when was the last time you sent a potential new client a birthday card or a gift? Interesting. I bet you only reserve that privilege for your existing customers right? Think about it. Putting a smile on a potential new customer's face is the first step towards a successful working relationship.

I know I've been speaking about Christmas gifts for the past few weeks, but there's a whole year of gift giving opportunities there for you. Showing someone that you care about them as a person, rather than a commission cheque, is what good business is really all about.

It needn't be expensive, and having a small stock in your office to send out when you need to shows some very forward thinking on your part. All we have to do now is find the perfect gift. Hmmmmm - if only you knew someone in the gift business......

Your call is important to us....

Good morning my favourite reader - yes you. I'm so grateful that you've chosen to dedicate a few minutes of your busy schedule just to read what it is that I have to share with the world.

Yesterday was my birthday and despite the fact that I did come into work, I had a really nice day, so a big thank you to all of my well wishers. Just one more year in my thirties and then apparently life really begins. We'll see.

So let's take a look at the title of this week's blog - Your call is important to us. How did that comment make you feel? Interesting. You see, here I am, opening my blog with thanks and appreciation that was totally sincere, and yet as soon as I think of that phrase, my face just drops, and I bet yours does too.

We all know why - it's because we only ever hear it in circumstances where we don't really believe that our call is important at all. Call centres are naturally the worst offenders, where row upon row on minimum wage monkeys tell you that there is nothing they can do to help you before passing you off to a supervisor who'll tell you the exact same thing.

Not to mention the fact that they've allowed your anger to reach boiling point by making you wait for 20 minutes before they actually pick up the phone.

But why must we be repeatedly told that our call is important to them? Here's the thing - my company sells products at a business to business level, and every time the telephone rings, there is a very good chance that the person on the other end is either an existing customer or someone that we're hoping will be a new customer. By that standard, EVERY call that comes in is important to us. Is it really any different where you are?

Now don't get me wrong. Some calls are not so important. Some calls are people trying to sell us services that we neither need nor want, and occasionally we will take calls from people who we are simply unable to help, either because we don't supply what they need or because their order level falls below our minimums. Now these people's calls are still important, but there just not as important as the others.

None the less, when have you ever told a customer that their enquiry was not important? Do you really think I'm going to take an enquiry and respond with "Frankly you're wasting my time, your questions are beneath me now please go away"? Believe me, there are times when I would like to, but it's hardly professional is it.

So is there a point to all of this? Well you can make of it what you will, but for me, the point is that telling a customer that they're important is actually a waste of time. At least it is if you don't show them just how important they are. We're coming up to Christmas and it really is the best opportunity for you to show them just how important they are. It needn't be a grand gesture - a card, a donation to charity in their name or a simple gift to put a smile on their faces will do wonders for your relationship in the year ahead.

If you're not sure what to give them, I'm here to help you, so pick up the phone and let's see what we can come up with. Remember, your call is important to us.......

Strange can be perfect

Well imagine my very pleasant surprise to see that quite a few of you logged in to the blog today, eager for your next installment. I can only imagine the sheer disappointment you felt when you saw that I hadn't written anything yet.

It must have been hell for you, and I hope you made a point of staying away from any sharp objects or large doses of pills. I myself did resort to reaching for the painkillers today - I had a headache and I took one. Yeah, that's right - ONE, because I'm hard and can handle the pressure!

This week I met with a company who like to try lots of different things when it comes to using giveaways at trade shows. More importantly, they make a point of noting what people remember. I loved them instantly. They understood the true value of promotional merchandise and how important it was to measure its effectiveness.

Their measurement was quite an interesting one. Two years ago, they had given away a bespoke shaped stress toy, moulded in the shape of something very relevant to their industry and branded accordingly. The following year, they didn't bother and yet they were repeatedly asked by visitors what had happened to the stress toy that they picked up last year.

Now in terms of brand recognition, this was good news and bad news. Good news in that people remembered them and wanted to return. Bad news in that people were more interested in their free gift than in actually giving them business.

Now the company did pick up some good leads and they did convert those leads into customers and everyone lived happily ever after, but did they miss a trick?

OF COURSE THEY DID!!!!!!

You see, if they'd have noticed the good reaction that their stress toy was getting in that show two years ago, then they would have made a point of replicating it. Now there's no point in giving away the exact same thing to the exact same people, but if quirky and unusual merchandise worked, then surely you should do it all over again.

Naturally, there is a counter argument to this, in that those very same people who loved their stress toy so much may not have actually been customers. They may well have been amongst the great unwashed who come to shows just to see how much free stuff that they can take home. We can't help these people, and sadly we can't avoid them either, but given that their opinions don't really matter, let's just let them go about their business and move on.

You see, if I meet a good potential customer at a trade show then I will do what I can to convert them into an actual customer. That way, if they do swing by my stand in a year's time, I'll know who they are, how I have helped them and, most importantly, I will be more than happy to give them a gift to thank them for all of the business that they have given me.

If someone comes by and says, 'what happened to those lovely stress toys, I wanted to pick up a new one' then I will simply smile, suppress the urge to kick them firmly in the shins and let them know that our merchandising efforts have gone in a different direction.

Happy stand owner - 1, time wasting blagger - 0.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The right gift, given the right way, will yield the desired result. Anything else and you're just a really nice person who gives away stuff. Fine if you're Santa Claus - not so much if you're in business.

The secret of success

Hello everyone. Now I don't mind telling you that this week I am doing my best to fight off a nasty cold. Realistically, all I am actually doing is hoping really hard that I don't start to feel worse, because all of the vitamin C in the world won't do you any good when your unwell 18 month old soon keeps sneezing in your face whilst simultaneously refusing to eat his breakfast.

None the less, hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go, and this week I took myself along to the ECommerce Expo at Earls Court. It's a modest little show where people can still hear themselves think whilst being cornered by pretty girls in shoelace skirts asking them if they'd like to win a competition. My thoughts on pretty girls at trade shows can be seen in an older blog post, so feel free to look it up.

Incidentally - I managed to win the competition before I even left the show! Three months free web hosting! Seriously - did anyone who entered NOT win the prize. There is no prize - they're offering 3 months free as an introduction so long as you sign up for a minimal 24 month contract (probably - I really didn't bother to go and find out). Come on people, if there is a prize to be won then let someone win it without any small print, OK?

Now at one point I stopped at a stand that were giving away a particularly popular piece of merchandise. Now I won't say who they were or what the gift was, because I don't want to embarrass them, but something interesting happened.

"TELL US MORE PAUL!" you say. Alright then, I will. The person working on the stand said that the giveaway in question was proving unbelievably successful - they simply could not get rid of them quickly enough. Now I was delighted - mainly because it was me who sold them the merchandise in the first place, but it dawned on me that this person's enthusiasm may well have been misplaced.

Think about it. He said that the giveaway was proving successful. But what exactly does that mean? Surely if you have a nice and unusual gift that people can help themselves to for free, then that's exactly what they will do. They'll grab it, ask you what it does, then put it in their bag and move on. That's not really success is it? Anyone with less than a minute's sales training can give away quality merchandise for free.

So what other means does this company have to measure that success? Well if they're smart, they'll ask all of the new inbound enquiries over the next 6 months where they heard of the company. Sure, that could work, but then sometimes sales people will forget to ask and on more than one occasion, the person calling won't remember the answer anyway, and will default to "finding them on the Internet".

Well how about this? Do you remember the competition idea that wound me up? Of course you do, I mean it's not like you stopped reading this blog half way through and then picked it up several days later. Here was a company disguising a special offer as a prize, and on the other side, a company giving away a form of prize but with no special offer. Do you see where I'm going with this? OK, let me help you along.

How about a promotion where anyone who presents their giveaway gets a special offer? It can be something incredibly easy like printing a reference code on the gift, so when people use it, you'll know EXACTLY where that lead came from. Or you can make it more fun, like giving away a cuddly toy and asking people to mail in photos of them and the toy together. There really is a lot of room for new ideas here.

This has to be good news for the marketing people - it's an opportunity to show a tangible link between the merchandise you use at trade shows and the amount of additional enquiries that come in to the company. Ultimately, we're talking about more sales, and that's the most important measure of success that there is.

We can help you do this - it's not rocket science, but it is incredible to me how many people seem to pass up on a very inexpensive opportunity. If you're going to use promotional merchandise, make sure you're using it properly.

Your complaints department

Does your company have a Complaints Department? I know that such things were commonplace in the seventies and eighties, but since then the whole concept seems to have died. You know what I think about that? GOOD!

Seriously, a complaints department? That would suggest that the company's output is so bad, that they actually need to hire a group of people who do nothing all day apart from fielding complaints. You'd have to feel sorry for them wouldn't you? For at least eight hours a day, they would have been faced with the prospect of dealing with angry, frustrated people who chose to vent all of their anger on the sorry individual who answered the phone.

So did the concept of the Complaints Department really die? No - it actually got rebranded into the cuddly wuddly world of Customer Service. Let me run those words by you again - Customer Service. Grinding your teeth yet? Hairs on the back of the neck standing to attention? Sweaty palms and a racing pulse rate? Yup - and we all know why. It's because in the corporate faceless world of call centres where "your phone call is important to us", the words Customer Service are perhaps the biggest oxymoron we know.

But let's break it down. We'll start at the beginning shall we? CUSTOMER. What is your definition of a customer? For me, it's someone that gives me business. Regardless of the size of that business, their money is now my money. I am grateful for this and I tell them so. A customer is not just another name and phone number on a database whose sole purpose is to continue spending money regardless of whether the service is good, bad or otherwise.

And what about SERVICE? That really is where it all goes horribly wrong isn't it? You see call centre operators don't actually care about you at all. Why should they? They're paid an hourly rate to answer the phone, adhere to a script and a set of policies, and essentially try to get rid of you as quickly as possible. Eventually, fed up with getting nowhere, you'll ask to speak to a Supervisor who will proceed to do the exact same thing - only his lies seem more plausible, because he has seniority.

Now I'm writing this because this week, I actually got what I considered to be genuine customer service. I'll summarise on the story because the true long version is incredibly dull, but suffice is to say that my wife had a problem with her mobile phone. After a 3 week runaround, we really were no closer to a solution. The manager of the store took the time to talk me through their procedures and explained to me that he truly understood the nature of our frustration but that there was only so much he could do.

Now I had called this guy, ready for a fight. You know me - secretly hoping that the service would be bad so that I could load both barrels and really let him have it. But it didn't happen, and here's the odd part - he actually didn't make any exceptions for us or make the situation better in any way. What he did do, was take the time to acknowledge that we were not only a customer, but a fellow human being who just wanted to be shown a little bit more than the "Computer Says No" mentality that we've all become so used to.

Once my wife's phone is fixed, this guy will be getting a letter sent to the company's head office, commending him on the way in which he handled the situation.

You see, addressing the complaints of a customer doesn't always mean throwing money at the problem until it goes away. Sometimes, people just want to express their disappointment - they expect better of you, especially if you've done such a good job in the past. The only cost to you in helping them is a few minutes of your time and a little empathy.

So, the next time someone calls you to complain, apologise, and then ask them what they feel you could do to improve upon the situation - you'll be amazed at the results.

And by the way, if any of you are aware of a company with a dedicated Complaints Department, please let me have their details, and whilst you're at it, call them and just have a pleasant conversation about anything you like - they really could use a lift.

Do you know your staff?

Well how are you on this fine Thursday morning? Of course, you may well be reading this on a completely different day - it's not like I'm typing this "live" - it's really difficult to keep up. Never the less, whatever day it is, I hope that the day finds you well.

Right now, I find myself working on a brief that's rather interesting. Now I cannot name the client as it would be unfair but let's just say that if you haven't heard of them, then you have not left your home in the last 20 years, listened to a radio, watched a telly or read a newspaper. Bottom line - they're massive.

Now this client wants to put a particular piece of merchandise into each of its office's staff rooms. They want something that the staff can use but at the same time, shows them that their head office appreciates them - which is nice.

Now here's the kicker - we've already presented quite a few ideas but on each occasion, the client has found a reason to say no. That's fine, they have a perfect right to be fussy. I decided it would be a good idea to actually ask a manager working in one of their branches what they would like if they could have anything at all.

Their response? Nothing thanks - we've actually already got everything that we need. How wonderful, a team so content that they want for absolutely nothing! I wanted to hand over my CV right then and there, but the truth is that this person really didn't take the time to give it that much thought and had he done so, he probably would have come up with a shopping list that would frighten Santa Claus himself.

It got me thinking though. At this time of year a lot of companies start thinking about ways to show their staff a little gratitude for the year of work that they've just put in. Let's face it, if you're still in business then you really should be thanking the people that helped you get there. I've spoken about thanking your customers, but don't forget to thank your staff too.

Now if you were to ask your team what they would like, most of them would opt for a few extra days off and for the office to simply close over Christmas. Putting that Utopian idea aside, do you know what they could really use?

You see, when you think about buying 'giveaways', the factors that you consider are price, relevance, return on investment and so on. Now when you buy a gift, surely the only think you need to consider is whether or not the recipient is actually going to like it.

When you're thinking of a birthday gift for a relative, sometimes it's just easier to ask them if there's something that they would really like. Well why not do the same for your staff? I'm not suggesting that you go out and buy hundreds of plasma tellies - God bless you if you can afford to, but at least see if you can get a feel for something that your team will appreciate.

Incidentally, if you're planning to send gifts to your favourite suppliers, I am in the market for a new Rado watch. Doesn't hurt to ask does it?

Oh alright, just a dozen Krispy Kremes then please.

The Ghost of Christmas Present

You know, you really should feel sorry for me and all the other people working in the promotional merchandise industry. Why? Well for you lot, Christmas can be a time of great joy - a festive season of giving and receiving, good will to all men and a shed load of Christmas pudding with brandy butter and cream.

Well not for us. OK, to be fair, wild horses couldn't drag me away from a Christmas pudding with brandy butter and cream. Heck, I'd even eat it without the extras. I'm not a proud man, I just love the stuff. Don't judge me!

But I digress. The problem is that for us, Christmas is a time of last minute decisions, late deliveries, low stock levels, early factory closures and generally nervous customers. Now don't get me wrong - we do solve people's problems for them. we do find the best gifts and we do get the items delivered on time. We take our clients' headaches and gladly make them our own.

Obviously, I say 'gladly', whereas if were to be brutally honest, I mean 'reluctantly'. It's not that I'm complaining about the work - I'm delighted to be busy, it's just that we all preach on, year after year, to get your Christmas gifts out of the way sooner rather than later. The benefits are easy to name - more choice, more time to choose the right gift without a last minute panic, more chance to amend any errors which may (and do) occur and above all - I will like you so much more than I already do.

Last week we put out out first Christmas mailer, and the response has really not been that strong. It seems that people think that November is the best time to be thinking about showing appreciation to their customers. Well it's not the worst time to think about it, but it does mean that your gifts are going to be arriving around about the same time as your competitors'. What if they spent more than you? What if they had access to a more creative promotional merchandise company? What if, what if what? Too many questions and none of them necessary.

Last week I spoke of the importance of sending gifts to new potential customers, but I don't want you to think that I don't consider your existing clients too. So if you haven't seen the first of many Christmas gift catalogues, drop me an email and I will gladly send it to you. Better still, call me and let's arrange to meet.

Right, enough preaching - Tesco is already well stocked up on Christmas pudding, so I'm off for lunch.....

Getting to know you......

getting to know all about you.....etc. There's a playful mood in the office today as the sun is shining and there's a new lady delivering sandwiches who's proving rather popular. I don't tend to buy them myself - I mean the sandwiches are very nice, but if I buy lunch at 10.30 then it's lucky if it survives until 10.40. Then I go home at night, look in the mirror, think I look fat and then tell myself that I will eat less and exercise more.....over pizza and a night in front of the telly.

Was I in a good mood when I started this? Oh yes, there it is. Last night I saw the new movie Julie and Julia (or it might have been the other way around) and I have to say I thoroughly recommend it. To summarise, it's the story of Julia Child - the world famous author and TV cook, and Julie Powell; a young wannabe writer who starts a daily blog as she cooks her way through Julia's entire cookbook.

What struck me is that Julie's blog became a very personal thing, and whilst her readership was small at the beginning, the New York Times wrote an article about her and before she knew it, she was being offered publishing deals and had a worldwide following.

People related to her blog because she was letting them in to her life. Every success and failure was written about, and whilst the underlying theme was cooking, her readers felt that they had a friend to whom they could relate.

This got me thinking about my relationships with my customers. I realised that those customers with whom I have the best relationships are those whose lives I know a little more about. They're not merely marketing managers and sales executives - they are mothers, fathers, aspiring musicians, ballroom dancers, adrenalin junkies and so much more. I consider these people to be friends - they congratulate me on my personal successes and I theirs, and then every once in a while, we might actually do some business together too.

Now I am sure that if you thought about it, you'd probably say the same of your customers too. But what about the people that aren't your customers yet? What about those prospects that you're just dying to get on board? Well you've probably done your homework and learned as much as you can about the company, but surely all of your competitors have got access to that information too.

So here's the clever part. Why not present them with a gift that's just a little bit....random. Something useful yet at the same time, something that needs to be discussed. Let's face it - all you really need to do is start a conversation. After that, your own questioning skills can come into play and you can start learning all about that prospect in the hopes of turning them into a client.

With access to over 1 million products worldwide, you don't always have to send the items that you see in mainstream catalogues. Think about what you want to achieve when you give a gift and then let's work with you to find the perfect thing.

Now is the absolute best time to be thinking about this. People are gearing up for Christmas and our end of year Christmas gift catalogues are already being sent out to our clients. Don't be a slave to tradition though. Tradition dictates that you send out gifts to your clients to say thank you for the business that they have given you throughout the year. Why not send out gifts to your hottest prospects instead? Imagine the reaction when you call the office to make sure that your gift was received and you get your call put through. That's the time to set up that first important meeting and get your business set to grow in 2010.

Remember, we're not dealing in giveaways here - every gift that you send is an investment in your future. Spending £10 on a gift to land a client worth 100 times that really cannot sound like a bad idea. "But wait!" you cry "What if the gift doesn't get me that client?" OK Mr Optimism, think about it like this - if £10 yields you one client worth £1000, then you can send out 100 gifts, get a crappy 1% return on your investment and still break even. Not bad eh?

So let's slap on some festive merriment and get a little busy. Like I said, our catalogues are ready and rest assured, those people with whom we'd love to form a relationship next year will be getting a gift from us. Let us help you do the same. My links and contact details are there on the right - no, your right.

Happy Christmas

What's your greatest challenge?

Good morning my blog loving friends around the world and how are you on this glorious morning? Well I do wish some of you would tell me. I notice that a few people read this blog every day but nobody ever posts a comment. It doesn't need to be anything life changing, just something like "I've read your blog and I found it interesting". Now I'm not trying to put words in your mouth or anything, but it seems that some people believe that comments are only there so that readers can insult writers, followed by insulting the other readers of those writers, followed by insulting the mothers of the readers of those writers, followed by going off on some obscure tangent. But we all have to start somewhere.

In my travels through the world of sales training and marketing blurb, I like to take note of the more interesting questions that get asked. One of my favourite sales gurus - Jeffrey Gitomer - regularly points out that the best sales relationships come from asking the best questions. Indeed, I'm always pleased when I hear the reaction, "That's a good question," because those are the only ones really worth asking.

And so we come to the title of this week's blog. What's your greatest challenge? Now this doesn't have to be a universal answer covering every aspect of your business. You could break it down into your biggest challenges in sales or, to bring things into my arena, marketing.

Some of the challenges we hear are obvious - people don't know what we do, too many time wasters, no budget, too much diversity, no budget, limits on time and oh, did we mention no budget?

The thing is, people don't think of these things as challenges - they think of them as reasons to fail. They are obstacles, or barriers, but therein lies the beauty of language - obstacles can be overcome - a challenge is exactly that, it's something that challenges you. It's something that, with the right tools and the right attitude, can be met.

Our mission here, is to turn challenges into goals. If you have a clear picture of what your company is NOT achieving, then you also have a clear picture of what it is you want to achieve. All you need to do now is calculate the best route from where you are to where you want to be.

Now I'm not claiming to be one of these business coaches that stampedes into your office to start telling you how to run things. I'm not going to start proposing that you all come into the office naked on Fridays (seriously, did you see that Naked Office show on telly? How utterly ridiculous). I want to help you when it comes to rising to your marketing challenges, so I shall end this blog with the very same question with which it began, and would ask you to please get in touch so that we can work on solving them together.

So tell me, what's your greatest challenge?

Sorry I'm Late!

Hello my blog loving chums from around the world. For those of you that logged on first thing this morning to catch the latest installment, I thank you for your enthusiasm and apologise that it wasn't quite cooked all the way through. On the plus side, there's a good reason that things were a little late, and it's because we are BUSY!

That's right. We're actually busy. Our phones are ringing, our website has traffic and our regular customers are being told by their evil finance directors (you know the ones - they're like Bond villains only without the fluffy white cat and the eye patch) to actually get out there and order some merchandise.

What happened to the recession? Did we miss a meeting? Frankly I don't really care, because if market confidence has truly started to return then we're ready, willing and able to help.

I find myself thinking that a positive attitude may have something to do with what's been happening. Allow me to explain (even if you don't, I'm going to any way). Last week I had a good week in business - various clients who had quotes from me were finally in a position to move forward with their orders, and so, with only 4 working days in the month gone, things were going well.

On Sunday night, I felt an overwhelming sensation (steady on) that this week would be good for me too. Now I'm not claiming any psychic abilities, unlike those mediums that parade their skills on so many satellite TV stations. Seriously, do these people expect us to believe that people have crossed over into the ethereal plane and yet will not be able to move on until they tell their loved ones that the remote control has fallen behind the back of the sofa?

What about the ones who can predict the future with total certainty. Why have none of them won the lottery? And for those of you who just started thinking about Derren Brown - yes, I watched it too and it was very clever, but it is a TRICK and he freely admits it.

But back to my point. I just believed that I was going to have a good week and, amazingly, that's exactly what has happened. I've spoken in the past about a positive attitude, and for many people this is just a cliche, but there's so much more to it than that.

How would you like to find yourself in a win-win situation? You can. Think about it. Tell yourself tomorrow that you're going to have a good day. Approach everything with enthusiasm. Help as many people as you can. Solve as many problems as the day can present to you. No matter what, just keep telling yourself that you're having a good day.

By the close of business, one of two things will have happened. Either you will have had a day filled with new orders and lots of business, or you will have had a day filled with productivity and a group of people who appreciate your efforts. The orders may not happen right away, but they will happen.

Most importantly, note the smile on your face as you leave the office, all set for the weekend. That Friday smile is the exact same smile you should bring back to work on Monday morning.

Success is infectious. The more you're surrounded by it, the more you want it for yourself and the more you'll work to achieve it. How incredible would your workplace be if everyone there was working towards everyone else's success as well as their own?

Perhaps your company has started to feel the earliest twitchings of the Christmas spirit. Well if you do get involved in giving gifts, now is the best time to look. Our factories have put together end of year gift catalogues for you to read in front of a roaring log fire with a glass of egg nog and a mince pie. Or you could can just do it at the office - it's really up to you.

Remember, the best and most popular deals get swallowed up quickly, so don't miss out. Me and the rest of the Merchandise Mania elves are ready to take up the challenge of finding you the perfect gift for your staff and customers, so please give us a call.

Have a great week in business - whatever happens!

Sometimes a brush off will pay off

Good morning and welcome to another bright and sunny day in the wonderful world of marketing. Unless you're reading this in the afternoon in the rain, but then there's still no reason to not approach your day with glee.

Why am I so cheery? No particular reason - it just seems to me that given a choice between being a grumpy old sod and injecting a little mirth into people's day, it pays to go for the latter.

This week, I'd like to speak to all the sales people out there. You know who you are - actually, some of you don't. Some of you still think that you work in creative departments or marketing or admin, and that sales is someone else's responsibility, but the fact is that if you deal with customers and help them to do business with your company, then you really are in sales.

To the more traditional sales people, let me ask you a question. How many times a day do you get told to "send in some information". Loads? Me too. Next question - how often do you actually do it? Interesting - I imagine that for many people, that second digit is lower than the first. Don't feel bad, we all do it because we think of such things as a brush off.

Nine times out of ten, they are exactly that. Some polite person who wants to get you off of the phone without simply telling you to go away. Now in the olden days, sending information to everyone who asked for it was a costly business. Catalogues can typically cost a company around £5 per head and so it was often thought of as not being worth the money.

But now we have email, everything has changed. A template introductory email costs nothing and takes next to no time to send. Now some of you don't believe in email as a means to introduce your company but think about it - if that potential client isn't going to read your email, then they're just as unlikely to read that glossy expensive literature.

Hold on though. Do you remember I said that nine times out of ten you're being brushed off? That's probably quite generous, but what about that one out of ten that's still out there?

To site personal experience, a few weeks ago I called a major organisation in the hope of doing business with them. This was a cold call - I had no leads whatsoever. The lady on reception not only told me to email in, but she also gave me some generic, impersonal email address. That combination would be enough to put off most people, but as I already had the email written I sent it off, made my notes and then forgot about it.

Imagine my surprise when, a couple of days later, that company's marketing executive got in touch and made an appointment to meet me. We're now speaking regularly and we're hoping to do some very big business together.

The moral of the story? Seriously? You mean you didn't work it out already? OK then - some marketing is FREE. The only investment that you have to make in it is time. Certainly, a clever piece of promotional merchandise can and will open more doors for you, but if you don't position yourself to handle the work in the first place, what would be the point?

Now I may well have just shot myself in the foot. My job is to sell promotional merchandise, but the truth is that I don't see it that way. My job is to help you with your marketing, looking at as many angles as I can and once again, I am happy to dispense this advice for free.

Have a good week in business and please do place a comment here if you feel so compelled.

Products and Solutions

In the last week I'm proud to announce that this blog has been picked up by companies in Europe and the USA, and they'll be using certain posts in their own white papers and blogs. I feel like I've been syndicated, and it would be so much more exciting if I was actually getting paid, but it's still nice to be acknowledged and may I offer a big hearty hello and welcome to my new international readers. If you appreciate the irony that is British humour, you’re going to love it. If not, watching old Benny Hill clips is not going to give you the education you think you need, so don’t waste your time.

This week I found myself posed with a bit of a dilemma. A supplier showed me a new product of which they had already sold millions of units. Their client base was very impressive, and with offices in 4 different countries, one had to believe that things were going well for them. So what was the problem? I thought the product was – and I’ll choose my words carefully here – ordinary.

Yup, that just about sums it up – it was ordinary. Obviously it would be wrong for me to describe the product to you here but what you need to know is that I just couldn’t get inspired by this thing. It wasn’t that I was having a bad day or that I was not open to seeing new things, it’s just that I simply didn’t “get it”.

Now before you think that this is my effort to sound all “Dragon’s Den”, I should explain that it was what happened next that really opened my eyes.

The person presenting this thing to me told me about their success stories. She told me about the clients that had taken it on and how well it had been received by their customers. She pointed out that one had to look beyond the product and actually think about the solution instead.

This got me thinking. Have I become focussed on product? Despite having access to millions of items of merchandise, have I started to limit myself to only selling that which is readily available? It’s always a good idea to be self critical – it helps you look for those areas in which you can find room for improvement, and what better way than to look for new and interesting ways to help your customers.

But where to begin? You see, most people that I work with are not looking for a solution because they don’t think that they have a problem. They’re launching a product or going to an exhibition and they need merchandise. Their biggest problems are usually short lead times and low budgets, and those are problems that we can usually solve.

So how about this? What if, just for one day, you told yourself that your biggest problem was that you were not a multi millionaire, sipping champagne on your private yacht whilst customers queued up to buy your products and services? What if you still had to actually work for a living? Now how would you change that? If you improve upon the customer experience, they will come back and they will tell their friends too.

One easy way to do that is to look at what your customers already know, and then look at what they DON’T know. In most cases, that second question will yield a frightening answer. It’s not really all that scary though, because once you find out what they don’t know, all you have to do is find inventive ways to tell them.

That’s where we come in. We’ll take a look at your image and how your customers relate to you and then we’ll work with you to create a new and interesting campaign. We’ll go beyond mere product and look at a genuine solution – a way to put your business exactly where you want it to be.

Funny thing, but the more I type this, the more interested I am in that very ordinary product. With just five minutes of perspective, I can see thousands of possibilities for it. In fact, I think I’m going to give them a call……

Have a good week.

The Digital Revolution

Well how are you today? Yes I know that I could have found that out by following you on Twitter or looking at your status on Facebook but some times I just like to be a little bit old fashioned. I'm great, and thank you for asking.

It seems that there are some companies out there that think that the tried and tested means of marketing themselves are becoming old fashioned and that they should therefore stop doing them altogether. Now of course it is important to show off your company as innovative and "down with the kids", but why let go of things that worked for you previously. Better still, why not combine the two?

"But how can we do that Paul?" I hear you cry. Actually, it's really rather simple. It all comes down to looking at the end result. Runners don't visualise the starting pistol or the years of training - they picture themselves crossing that finish line. Unless they're Usain Bolt, in which case they just picture a massive blur as they whizz past it.

Ask a lot of people what they want from their marketing and the answer will be very similar - brand awareness. But what does that mean exactly? I'm aware of loads of brands, but it doesn't make me a customer. Negative publicity can create brand awareness, but it's not exactly going to get you any more customers is it?

It's not enough for people to know you exist. People have to be convinced of a reason to use your products and services. Now you may well have the coolest website around. It could be presented by virtual video hosts, a totally new type of navigation system and the coolest graphics since The Matrix came out, but there's still a problem.

"If you build it, they will come". No - they won't. If you build it, market it, update it, market it some more and then get some of your visitors talking about it, they MIGHT come. People spend so much time thinking about Search Engine Optimisation that they miss one very fundamental point. If you've got something that noone has ever seen before, then they are NOT going to be searching for it in the first place.

Think of all of those products that you can buy that you can not physically hold - minutes on your mobile, comedy ringtones, credits on sites with questionable content. We've become a society that's ready to accept a virtual presence, but we still need an old fashioned means to get us there.

Some of the oldest, and, dare I say, most ordinary merchandise can do wonders for driving traffic to your website. How about sending your customers a mousemat with a screen grab of your home page? You could send them a calendar with twelve different shots of the coolest images from your site. If all else fails, how about a pen with your web address on it? Yes I said it - A PEN!!!

We're all of us searching for the next big thing. The next killer application or piece of hardware that will change the way we do certain tasks forever. Your company may very well have already made it, but if you don't tell us it's out there, how are we supposed to know?

Right. I'm off in my time machine to check out the year 1955. Don't worry, there's little chance of my interrupting my parents from meeting each other as that didn't happen until 1967. For details on time travel, you can visit www.imadeitallup.com/obviously.html

See you next time.

Doing what I promised in the first place

Looking back over recent weeks, it seems that this blog has become a place where I can rant about pretty much anything I like. We all of us need a means by which to vent some steam. Some of us blog, whilst others climb the nearest clock tower armed with nothing more than a twisted sense of morality and an M16 assault rifle.

None the less, I took a look at the very first post I ever made - one where I mentioned that I would share products and ideas with you, as well as opinion on all things promotional. So this week, rather than add more salt and vinegar to the massive chip on my shoulder, I thought I would tell you about one of my favourite products.

It's a USB stick.

Yup, that's about it- no massive build up, no fanfair, no parade of pretty girls in short skirts doing somersaults (the budget wouldn't stretch to it), just simple information.

OK, it's not just a USB stick. No, this is something that could set your next USB purchase aside from the competition. You see, everyone just wants to get their hands on the cheapest stick available, and all that means is that everyone is giving away the same gift to the same potential client base. The result? Nobody wins.

What you need to do is give them something special. Do you remember when USB sticks were the newest and most exciting product on the planet? I do. In fact, I recently found an archived email from 2004 where I quoted a customer on a 128Mb drive - the price was £112 and that was considered reasonable!

Things have certainly changed a lot, and right now the prices on USB seem to be spiralling out of control. I'm only able to hold prices for 2 days before they jump by another 50p, but that's not the point of this week's blog.

The point was to tell you about the Stickydrive. Stickydrive is software that lives on your flash drive. It enables you to give your customers a bespoke interface, built in music player, photo viewer, full document indexing, unlimited weblinks, video and - here is the best part - you can update their content remotely!

Think about it. If your company regularly uploads data onto a stick before handing it out, this new method could be so much more powerful. You can sell sponsorship opportunities right up to the date of your event. You could upload video of your keynote speakers that delegates can take away on the same day. You could let customers know about new products and special offers and all from a piece of merchandise that is being used all over the world.

This really is something you need to see to fully appreciate, and I'd be more than happy to come and present it to you or to welcome you to our showroom here in Borehamwood in Hertfordshire.

Rarely do I get excited about a product. Frankly, after 7 years, it's easy to believe that I've seen it all before. Let's face it, a USB stick with a floating plastic fish inside it is still just a USB stick - the fish does nothing to enhance your marketing potential, but this time we've actually got something that will.

Have a good week in business and feel free to post comments. You never know, we might get into one of those long streams which start out all pleasantly and which rapidly descend into name calling and insults about each other's mums. Seriously, have these people nothing better to do?

Here's to another 50!

I just logged on to write this week's blog and noticed that I have written 50 posts since I started this thing. I think that's quite a milestone and to celebrate my golden anniversary, everyone who reads this week's blog will be sent a 9 carat gold bracelet*

I had the most wonderful phone call toward the end of last week and I wanted to share it all with you. Now the most important point to make here is that I didn't do any business with this person at all. In fact - I never even got to speak to the person that I was calling, and nobody else within the organisation was in a position to help me otherwise!

Intrigued? Well that was the basic idea, so let me tell you how the call went. I asked if I could speak with someone whose name was on our database. Now this was (and I'm going to use the C word here) a cold call, but having a name is always so much more powerful than asking for "someone in marketing".

After a few seconds, the receptionist returned to me to advise me that the person I wanted had "declined my call". "Declined my call? What does that mean exactly?" I asked. "It means that she is not interested in speaking with you".

I thanked the lady for her time and moved on, but this call really struck a chord with me. I was not offended at her direct response, nor did I find it rude. I found it to be refreshingly honest, and what's more, I actually emailed the person to commend her company on their policy of total honesty.

Putting this happy little anecdote aside for the minute, I was forced to wonder just why it was that I found this honesty to be so refreshing, and then it occurred to me - we're all preconditioned to accept being lied to. Think about all of the little lies that you'll hear in any given day -

"He's away from his desk right now". "Sorry, she doesn't appear to be picking up her phone." "They're in a meeting," and so on. The point is that we just don't believe these statements any more. Every time you call someone they're always in a meeting. Really? With that many meetings going on, how do they have the time to do any actual work?

It's a shame isn't it? We know they're lying - THEY know they're lying and what's worse, they know that we know that they're lying. But why is the truth so terrifying? It might be a cliche but the truth really can set you free. A good salesperson rarely calls just once - he or she will keep calling until appropriate contact is made. If they're told that the person they need is not answering the phone, they're just going to call again. And again. And again....and the poor person answering going to have to continue lying to them.

How much more powerful to be told "Listen lovely sales person, I appreciate that you would like to speak with Mr Bigwig here, but he just doesn't want to take your call". Any true professional will make a note and move on. Sure, they are going to try again, but at least it won't be every 5 minutes.

So what's your policy on honesty? How do you tell a caller that their call is being rejected or declined? Or are your colleagues in the longest meeting ever known?

A straight and honest answer will yield its own rewards. Trust me - there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Have a good week.

*The offer of a gold bracelet is a complete lie, but it was done to prove a point - you didn't believe it any more than I did. As soon as you saw that little asterisk at the end, you figured that there would be some ridiculous set of Terms and Conditions and that there was clearly going to be a catch. Well, there's no catch. But there's also no bracelet.

Look the other way

Last week, some anonymous reader posted a comment on this blog. That's brilliant - I often ask for comments so it's always nice to see that people are reading what I have to say and are even motivated further to write something themselves.

Sadly, this same person felt that all of my blog posts allude to my having some sort of chip on my shoulder and that I should consider getting out of sales all together. It's an interesting theory - certainly my blog does have a certain acerbic wit to it, but then that's just my writing style. I poke fun at the world in the hope that the world collectively says "Hey Paul, we're not all like that you know and whilst we're here, can we please order some merchandise?"

For the most part, this blog has done its job. I have a presence on line and my customers and I regularly talk about what I've written and how it brought a smile to their day. So if a chip on my shoulder is bringing a little joy into people's lives then I welcome it. In fact I'm off to deep fry some more potatoes for the other shoulder too!

And so to this week's thought. Have you asked someone how business was lately? I ask it all the time, and I also get it asked of me. Now we know that there's a recession on, but has everyone's response been "terrible". No? Me neither. I get people telling me that sales are up and that morale is great. I get people telling me that they're hiring staff, rebranding, expanding their marketing - the news is all good!

So what's their secret ingredient? More importantly, are they prepared to share it with us? No - and it's not because they're mean, it's because in ANY economic situation, some will be up whereas others will be down. This isn't rocket science and you don't need degrees in Economics to work it out. The fact is that anything in life relies upon BALANCE. You cannot have an up without a down.

Some believe that where you are depends upon how you look at things. I suppose that's true. When things are quiet on the sales front, you can either look at your shoes and wait for the phone to ring, or you could start thinking of more inventive ways to attract new business. We are, all of us, surrounded by opportunity - it just might not be knocking as loudly as it used to!

So how are your customers feeling about their business? Have you asked them? It seems that as time goes on in the ever so politely named 'Economic Downturn', people don't want to ask the question any more. If they do, it's with a tone that suggests they expect the answer to be negative. We've stopped asking, but we haven't stopped caring.

You know, when you take the 'sale' out of a conversation with a customer, incredible things start to happen. You actually start to listen to each other. You learn things that you wished you'd known for years. You discover more shared interests, common contacts and aspirations. The nature of your relationship can change in the blink of an eye into something so much more rewarding.

The people that are doing well are more than happy to tell you how they're doing it, and the people that aren't doing so well are even happier to listen to the teachings of someone who is.

There are so many gains to be made every single day, and it's those people that are pushing for those gains that are telling you how great things are. They're not deluded - they're positive. I'm speaking from personal experience here - I myself have not had a great month, but I've had so many fantastic conversations in this quiet period that I know I'm going to have a great August.

I do hope that you can find the space for some optimistic thinking in your day and if you're struggling, then just give me a call or drop me a line and I'll see what I can do to cheer you up. I charge one smile per session.

Do you want ideas or action?

Did you ever find yourself logging on to Facebook or Twitter and thinking, "I wish I'd thought of that"? Or how about queuing up in Starbucks and asking yourself why you didn't come up with the notion that people would be more than happy to pay over £3 for a cup of coffee?

We've all been there, but what might surprise you is that you may well be amongst the many thousands of people that did invent Facebook. You sat at your computer one day and a little thought went off in your head that said, "Wouldn't it be cool if there was a way to tell everyone what I was doing right now."

The difference between you and the guy that did invent it (apart from the fact that I don't have an overwhelming desire to smack you in the mouth) is that you didn't do anything with your idea. Those people you see on Dragons Den have what they refer to as entrepreneurial spirit. In simple terms, they got up off of their backsides and took action.

Now let's be fair, there are plenty of ideas out there that are just plain rubbish, but the only reason you know about them is because the creators took the plunge and put them on the shelves. Some of these ideas will flourish and many more will never make their creators rich. Regardless, those people will be satisfied that they at least had the courage to try.

Many people at the moment are a lot more reserved. Taking the plunge in an economic downturn makes about as much sense as booking JLS to sing at your next corporate function - lots of money and zero staying power, it's just not worth the expense.

None the less, a lot of those same people are currently sitting on the next genius marketing idea. A campaign so clever that it's not only going to generate revenue, but it's probably going to win awards. This one campaign is THE SINGLE GREATEST IDEA SINCE GOD SAID LET THERE BE LIGHT. But of course, your Financial Director simply cannot sign off on it, because there is no budget.

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! Are we back to this again? A bunch of non creative, scared, conservative number crunchers who cannot see beyond the end of their calculators. Why should you have to "sell" good ideas within your own company? Weren't you hired in the first place for your creativity? Perhaps they liked you because you had a track record of taking risks that proved to be successful. Whatever it was, it seems to have vanished amidst a fog of fear and doubt and guess what, as soon as the economy picks up, you'll magically become creative all over again!

See my point? If you're not being allowed to flex your creative muscle, you need to do something about it. You need to point out that the rewards will outweigh the risks. You need to put your best foot forward and show your company that you mean business.

The next time you see a problem and find yourself thinking, "Someone should do something about that", remember that you ARE someone, and go and do something about it.

A long term view

Well for the three of you that haven't come down with Piggyitis, or Swine Flu as it's more commonly known, hello. I'm a little worried that some doctors are just getting lazy with this pandemic.

"Doctor, this man's been shot!"

"No problem nurse, it's clearly another case of swine flu - plenty of rest and fluids and he'll be fine."

"Shouldn't we remove the bullet?"

"Nah - couple of Lemsip should do the trick."

But I digress, as indeed I often do. To be fair, if I didn't include those parts where I do digress, this blog would only ever be about 2 sentences long, so I appreciate your patience.

Recently I was put on to a company called Infusionsoft. As I am not an official partner, I have not included a link here but I did want to give them credit for a particular philosophy: People buy when THEY are ready to buy, not when YOU are ready to sell.

I thought about that for a while and it actually makes perfect sense to me. I make a lot of sales calls in any given day but if I only applied myself to those people who had a need when I called, I really would be limiting the amount of opportunity that there is out there.

In the world of promotional merchandise, this way of thinking has become more important than ever. So many customers are telling me that their budgets have been cut or frozen and that they don't anticipate needing anything for at least six months.

Now it would be easy for me to be disappointed, but actually I'm just the opposite - I'm delighted to have called them when I did. You see we get a lot of phone calls from people who need a complicated order delivered yesterday. It happens all the time and I have spoken about planning in this blog on more than one occassion. So how wonderful to get the chance to speak with a company who are not panicking - who have time to strategise and partner themselves with new suppliers and new ways of thinking.

I am now and have always been interested in the long term. I want people to see what we do and how we add value so that when they find themselves in need of some new marketing ideas, they won't need to trawl through piles and piles of catalogues which all look the same. They'll think of Merchandise Mania and they'll call.

Great for me, but how does it apply to you? Well just how are you keeping yourself in the minds of people who told you three months ago that they weren't looking for your services right now? Did you diarise a time to follow up and did you share something with them that they could use right now? In most cases, the answer is no, and that's a shame, because you may well have just handed your next great customer over to your competitors.

Fortunately, there is a solution. Get yourself on their desk. Get yourself in their home and in their car. Get yourself in their reception and in the minds of all of their staff. A useful piece of promotional merchandise will create a buzz in the minds of your potential customers and when they are ready to buy, just who do you think they will call first?

A good calendar will stay on a desk for a whole year. A fun toy may well go to the child of a powerful CEO who will think of you every time he sees his kid playing. Even a simple pen might be the one thing they needed to scribble down the contact information of their next big client and thank goodness your pen was there!

Think about it, a good piece of merchandise is an extension of your sales force. I met someone last week who wanted to send out mouse mats to 1000 potential customers. Now if any of these customers sign up, they're worth £5000 each. Now what do you imagine the chances are that out of 1000 people, that at least one of them will convert into a client? The mats were 85p each. Now if I told you I could turn 85p into £5000 you'd give me the money, right?

I almost feel like an employment agency sometimes. I have the cheapest labour on the market. I will get you a sales representative who will actually sit on your potential customer's desk and remind him about you every single day, and all for under a pound! I challenge you to find a better deal than that.

Remember, people buy when THEY are ready to buy, not when YOU are ready to sell. Position yourself correctly, and they will be ready to buy from you.

Let me see those pearly whites.....

Have you ever heard the expression, “Smile when you dial”? Sales people all over the world get taught to slap on a grin before even picking up a receiver. It’s not just for over enthusiastic double glazing sellers – the rule applies to everyone.

The premise is very simple. If you smile when you call someone, the person at the other end of the phone will pick up on your cheerful disposition. Let’s face it, when was the last time you bought something from some glum robot who was clearly reading off a script, counting down the hours until he could run away from his boring, soul destroying job and bury his face in a plate of chips?

But why only smile when we dial? For me, I really cannot understand why we all choose to limit ourselves in this way. Surely there are really only a handful of circumstances under which a smile is not appropriate. I can think of a few, but I’m not going to list them here to make you sad, and you’ve probably got your own too. But let’s face it, what percentage of your life do those moments actually inhabit? It can’t be more than about 10% if you really took the time to think about it.

Just today I was walking down the street and I saw someone on the other side of the road. I didn’t know this person but as our eyes met each other from a clear 100 feet away, they smiled at me. It was infectious – I was trapped – there was nothing left to do but……smile back! Well what else could I do?

But it’s what happened next that prompted me to write this blog. I felt happy. I mean I wasn’t sad before but my mood was actually lifted. I held onto the smile that this person had given me and if I had seen anyone else on my travels, I’m fairly sure that I would have passed it on to them.

Why am I telling you this? Well this week I have found myself calling a number of people who were clearly not smiling. Despite my calling them with a happy spring in my step, many of them were downright miserable – suspicious that I would want to ask them their first name so that I could have a friendly conversation. What’s the point in that? These people are the first point of contact for new customers calling in to their companies and yet their demeanour sucks all the joy out of you in the time it takes to say hello.

I’m forced to press on deflated and utterly unmotivated. Now what if I had been someone calling them to become their next best customer? I simply haven’t the energy to carry on.

Perhaps they were having a bad morning – it happens, we all get them from time to time, but a simple smile can actually lift your spirits when the world around you is not inspiring you as much as you might have hoped. So the next time you see someone not wearing a smile, just give them yours.

Does this have anything to do with marketing? Well of course it does. Marketing is all about image, and who wants to deal with a miserable company. Unless they’re shopping for a funeral director, people expect a smile.

Now I know that people expect this blog to be my opportunity to sell promotional merchandise but that’s not really what I do. I help my customers increase their business in any way that I can. My advice is free and as I have said on many occasions, I’d be more than happy to visit your office and offer you even more of this free advice. If I can help you take a fresh look at your marketing, then I will have done my job.

Smile when you dial? Why not just smile when you live.

We just go with the cheapest

Now does that sound familiar to you? Certainly in the current marketplace it makes sense for people to shop around for the most competitive prices. Now I’ve spoken many times about the importance of value over price, but it seems that there are still some people in the world who just want it cheapest and so for those people, this week’s blog is dedicated to you.

The first thing you’ll notice is that it’s FREE. There you go, you simply cannot get cheaper than that short of my actually paying to read this stuff, and as I know that quite a lot of you are, I think we can all agree that that’s not going to happen.

In all seriousness, let me ask you a question. Is your company the cheapest in your industry? Now really think about that before you answer, because some of you would have instantly thought “YES! YES WE ARE AND WE’RE PROUD OF IT”. Well newsflash – if two of you reading this are in the same industry then at least one of you is wrong.

John Lewis make a point of claiming to be “Never knowingly undersold” but the fact is that they are undersold…… regularly – and they know about it too. They don’t offer interest free credit on any of their larger purchases, so whilst their unit price might be lower, if I choose to buy something on HP, I will be paying more for it. On top of that, I know dozens of smaller merchants who are happy to charge less than John Lewis for identical items, and don’t try looking for the loopholes like delivery and installation charges – they beat them there too.

OK, let’s not turn this who blog into a knock against the mighty partnership – I actually buy things there a lot and it’s mainly because they offer me a good shopping experience; intelligent and courteous staff who actually know something about their product, as opposed to the herd of spotty monkeys currently employed in thousands of stores up and down this great nation of ours. You know the sort – they have an attitude that could curdle cream and all the enthusiasm of a box of corn plasters.

So once again – still claiming to be the cheapest? Gosh, you’re a tough nut to crack but OK, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Let’s say I’ve gone to every price comparison site, shopped on eBay and scoured the globe to beat your prices and I have failed – now that is something to shout about. That message should be on every piece of stationery, on every advert and on every piece of merchandise that you put out to the market. You don’t need to sell your services on any other level because you have the lowest prices IN THE WORLD.

Likely? No, of course it isn’t. When was the last time you visited a website which boasted those claims? And so it is that we come to the point of this blog – you don’t have the cheapest products, you don’t have the cheapest service and yet you still want to go with the cheapest marketing.

Call me crazy (and most people who know me do) but that just doesn’t make any sense. There are some very cheap pens out there but they won’t last for very long and therefore, what message are you sending when you offer them to your customers? “We’re cheap but hey – you get what you pay for right?” Not a campaign I imagine happening any time soon is it?

You don’t drive the cheapest car. You don't live in the cheapest house. You don’t wear the cheapest clothes, sleep in the cheapest bed, eat the cheapest food, watch the cheapest TV or read the cheapest books. You may well have worked to a budget but what was key when you started shopping for anything was that you had a choice – you based your decision on more than just price. Can you imagine what your life would be like if you were always just offered the cheapest option available? You’d be living in a tent somewhere eating Tesco Value baked beans straight out of the tin.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The cheapest option is to not buy anything at all. If you don’t believe in the value of a good promotional campaign then just don’t do one – keep your money and let your competitors get out there and steal a few more of your clients away from you.

Think about it while you enjoy the sunshine – that’s free too!

Can I borrow your crystal ball please?

Does this phone call sound familiar?

You: “Hello, I’m selling stuff and I’d like to see if you have any requirements for the stuff I am selling”

Them: “No thanks, we already have everything we need for the next 12 months”

OK. Firstly, if your sales pitch really is that crap, you really need to consider either investing in some training or entering an entirely new line of work. I mean I’m not here to offer you career advice but have you ever considered the true joy that comes with selling hamburgers? Of course I’m paraphrasing - it’s the response on the part of the prospect that’s important here.

Everything they need for the next 12 months? Seriously? If you think about it, that really is incredible. This company has worked out, in incredible detail, everything that is going to happen in their business for the next whole year. Their bank manager must love them - “Here you go Mr Bank, here are our accounts for the next year. We haven’t actually started the year yet, but by jingo we just love to plan”.

How long would a planning meeting like that take anyway? I’m guessing about a year. The point is that no one can predict what’s going to happen in the next 3 months, let alone the next 12. Sure we can simplify; if we know which trade shows and exhibitions we’re taking a stand at we can plan for how much merchandise we’ll need, but even then there’s a flaw in the logic. That trade show can go much better or worse than expected. Assuming it goes better, you’re going to run out of merchandise much faster than you’d planned for and then what? You’re going to have to call your supplier and see if he or she can get you something in a hurry, and we all know what a nightmare than can become.

Planning is key, we know that, but if you don’t factor in a contingency plan then you really haven’t planned at all. Is anyone really so arrogant as to suggest that they’ve never been surprised in business - either pleasantly or unpleasantly? I can’t tell you the number of times people have called Merchandise Mania because they were running low on stock and had a show coming up. They bought the original stock months in advance - they had a calendar of events and they were ready for anything, but then their last show was an unprecedented success and they’d decided to exhibit at a new show because they got a great last minute deal. It happens, and the truth is that is happens much more than people realise.

There’s a phrase that really winds me up when I see it on movie posters or in advertising campaigns - Expect the Unexpected. You can’t. It’s impossible. As soon as you expect it, it’s no longer unexpected is it? See? ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH it just makes me mad. However, if I take a deep breath I have to tell you that you should expect to be surprised. You should expect to see gains and losses that nobody in your team could have predicted and most importantly, you should expect to be ready for such things when they happen.

How can we help you with this? Well the obvious answer is to suggest that you stop telling people that you’re sorted for the next 12 months - you’re not. Nobody is, so just accept it. The second is to consider probing a little deeper into your buying habits. If you bought 1000 pens in January, another 1000 in April and you’re now looking again, it’s fairly obvious that you’re going to get through somewhere between 5 and 6000 by the end of the year. Have you asked about the unit cost of 5000 as opposed to 1000? It may surprise you, and those savings could be put to even greater marketing effect.

As always, we’re here to help. I know it might seem like we’re just trying to get you to buy more stuff but our motivation is actually elsewhere, and there are two main schools of thought. The first is that we want to help you market your company as effectively and as efficiently as possible. We are professional consultants, not sales people, and we take pride in our work. The second is that buying merchandise is a pain, so the more we can automate your marketing, the more time we have to focus on the truly important things in life, which I can’t imagine includes buying pens.

Enjoy your week.

Exhibition Eye Candy.......Pass.

I’m just on my way back from a tradeshow, making sure first that I sat at the end of the train so that no one would think I was showing off by using a laptop. It seems strange that we live in a world where mobile productivity should be shunned in some way, but that’s just the way things are and this is not a blog for social commentary.

Anyway, let’s talk about this tradeshow, and how it inspired the content of this week’s blog.

One of the stands (I don’t know what they do, and this is important) had a lovely selection of pretty young girls wearing way too much makeup and not enough skirt. I mean I say skirt, but I think shoelace would have been a more accurate description. Now please don’t think of me as a prude - I love looking at pretty young girls as much as the next married man, the problem is that from a marketing perspective, these girls were a waste of money.

As I walk passed the stand I am instantly confronted. “Hello, would you like to enter our competition to win a new iPod Nano or a Sat Nav system?” No. No I would not. I already have both of those things and they work perfectly well thank you. And before you chime in with suggestions like, “What about as a gift for your wife”, I gave her an iPod Nano on our wedding day and her car came with the offer of a free Tom Tom and she took it, so ner.

So where are we left? The person working on the stand has made me an offer that I can refuse. I’m dealing with them from a negative perspective but to make matters worse, I still have absolutely no idea what the company does. Worse still - and just how much worse can it get - I’m betting that the pretty girl in the shoelace skirt has no idea what the company does either. What would she have done if I’d asked? The mind boggles.

So let’s see exactly where we are when we link marketing effort to marketing success. The company has paid for a group of pretty girls for a three day event - now that could not have been cheap. They’ve paid for the stand - fairly expensive, and of course there are the hidden expenses of time out of the office, transport, accommodation and so on - it all adds up. Oh, and let’s not forget the iPod and the SatNav - that’s a couple of hundred more quid to lay out.

And the return on their investment from me as a potential customer. Nothing. Nada. A Big Fat Zero.

You have to ask yourself what sort of customer they think a pretty girl can attract. Do they want decision makers with genuine needs for their products talking to their sales force, or a bunch of perverts dribbling into their shoes whilst they pretend to be interested in a product that they don’t now or are ever likely to need?

I don’t want to put the pretty girl agencies out of business, but are they really doing your stand any good? Give me an educated, albeit slightly less attractive member of your sales force over a life sized Barbie Doll any day of the week. I’m here to do business. If I want to talk to pretty, half naked ladies who pretend to be interested in what I have to say, then I understand that there are certain clubs that I can go to.

Now let's see if we can't end on a positive note this week. I know, how about a big, juicy giveaway? An offer so special that the mere thought of it will make your eyes water and your heart leap. OK - slightly oversold it. This week, order 500 or more 1Gb USB drives from our selection and we will double the memory.....FOR FREE! That's right folks - you're looking at a 2Gb memory stick with full colour printing for only £5.99. BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE. "Surely not Paul," you exclaim, "I'm not sure my loins can take it!". Well they'd better, because we're going to include origination, carriage and up to 100Mb of data uploaded, completely free of charge!

Do I look after you my favourite customer? You bet I do.

This offer is available until the 26th of June. Terms and Conditions apply. The position of a yoyo may fall as well as rise. Your home is at risk if you go on holiday and leave all the windows open. Merchandise Mania is a production of the Children's Television Workshop. Nobody ever reads disclaimers, that's why I can write all this drivel without fear that anyone will have read beyond the words Terms and Conditions apply - no, not this one, the first one. Of course if you are still here than well done - I admire your committment to detail. I'm going to get myself some more coffee and settle in to my day. Hope you enjoy yours. Post a comment if you like - so few do, it makes me wonder if anyone is really reading any of this at all. I mean it's no Harry Potter, but I still think it's a good read.