Man vs Machine

Does this call sound familiar?

Caller: “Hello, can I speak with John please?”

You: “I’m sorry, but John is on a call right now – can I put you through to his voice mail? I’m sure he won’t be very long”

Caller: “No, could you just ask him to give me a call please?”

At which point you’ll have to open up an email window (assuming that you’re super efficient), bring up John’s name from the contact list, and take down all of the details. Then you hang up, click send, and go on about your merry day.

OR DO YOU????????

This caller has made one stupid mistake. They have assumed that you are a good message taker. They have assumed that there is absolutely nothing that is going to distract you between the time they leave their details and the 2 milliseconds it will take to give John the message. They’ve assumed that the pleasant disposition that you’ve just demonstrated on the phone is in fact genuine, whereas the truth is that you’ve just lost a massive order, been shouted at by your boss and all on the same day that you chose to quit smoking.

They have also assumed – and here’s the real kicker – that John doesn’t listen to his voice mail.

I get that there are people in the world who don’t like leaving messages on machines. They don’t trust them. They think that whilst their voice is being recorded via a digital medium, that weird and tiny Weetabix shaped aliens are stealing their thoughts in a diabolical plot to take over the world, starting somewhere just outside Cornwall and moving slowly East.

These people are obviously morons.

Seriously, what is the problem with voice mail? A message is a message in any form. If I don’t return your phone call, don’t take it personally – it just means that I didn’t want to speak with you. That may sound a little harsh but the fact is that if I have no business to give you, there’s very little point in my calling you back. Idle chit chat is lovely, but in the current climate, do you seriously have time for it? I need to spend as much time as possible on the phone talking with clients who are actually in a position to give me business. I like a laugh and a joke as much as most, if not more, but we all of us need to be doing all we can to get more business.

But let me simplify things for you. If you are someone who has got a reputation for not returning phone calls – address it. Email the caller to acknowledge that they’ve called but that you simply have nothing for them right now. A polite rejection is so much nicer than just being ignored.

If you don’t ever listen to your voice mail, switch it off, or change the message to let people know that you will not be listening to their message and that they are better off calling you at another time. It’s not rude, it’s honest – and there is a world of difference.

If neither of those options appeal, why not doing something a little crazy and actually call the person back? They’ve taken time out of their day to think about you enough to want to share something with you, so don’t you owe them the same courtesy?

The simple steps will ensure that no foul tempered colleague marches up to your desk, slaps a post it note across your forehead and declares at the top of their lungs, “I’M NOT YOUR BLOODY SECRETARY!!!!”

Just another step towards a happier, productive workplace. Oh look – someone’s just left me a voice mail – see you next week.